any help welcome

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by chip102, Feb 25, 2010.

  1. chip102

    chip102 New Member

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    hey guys, I know this is kinda irrelevant to the form but I have been looking to buy a rifle for some time and this summer i was gonna actually get one. (Marlin 30-30 lever) However, my girlfriend basically told be that we are done if I get a gun. I have tried to tell her that i would be safe and that I would keep it unloaded and locked up, i even offered to store it at a local gun range. I see where she is coming from because she we were raised in Boston MA and she has he same reaction to guns that everyone else in boston does, to cringe and hind at the mention of them. Anyway, i was wondering if anyone had had a similar experience and would have any insight on how to soften her up a bit to the idea of me owning 1 target rifle, not even for home defense or hunting, just fun long distance targets. By the way, i am pretty sure that I will not be able to get her to actually try shooting so that option is outta the question.

    thanks
     
  2. orangello

    orangello New Member

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    Maybe she would try an air rifle? I have a little .177 pellet rifle that is fun for target shooting; it's quieter, cheaper to shoot, and lighter weight than my other firearms. She must have a limit somewhere; did she ever play Duckhunt or any video games with "guns"?

    Seems silly to me. Good luck with her.
     

  3. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Key words there. I guess this boils down to what is more important to you? IMO, I think she needs some real world firearms education and some range time. Maybe a diamond to go with that Marlin 30-30?

    Or you could just drop her off in the very worst part of your town for a while, then ask her what she thinks...if she makes it back. :rolleyes:

    Jack
     
  4. NGIB

    NGIB New Member

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    Short of having a very bad life changing experience, most anti's will never use logic to consider guns being OK. You may be fighting a losing battle where you will have to make a decision - a gun or her...
     
  5. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    She is afflicted with Hopolophobia (the fear of weapons, especially firearms). Like any phobia it is very difficult to treat as it is irrational fear. If she were able to talk rationally about the topic, she could be treated.
    does her blood pressure/heart rate increase at the sight of a firearm? Can she look calmly at a picture of a gun? Can she watch a "shoot em up" movie?

    My advise is to look at treatments for phobias in general and see if she can be treated. I have found that education is one of the keys to the treatment for a phobia. The more the person understands about the object/situation/animal they fear, the less irrational the fear becomes.

    I had a phobia (I won't get into it here). I learned the cause (childhood trauma) and read extensively on the thing I feared. After I learned more about it, the less I feared it. I still avoid it but my blood pressure/heart rate remain much more stable when exposed to it.

    If all else fails, she is not the right girl for you as you have "grown apart" best to find out early in a relationship that it will not work out.
     
  6. gadrooning

    gadrooning New Member

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    Well Chip I do understand your situation. I have good friends that live in inner cities that view guns the same way. Unfortinutely in most of these cases it is the lack of positive associations with guns and lack of rural enviroment that opinions of gun negativity exists. I am going on limb and say your girlfriend is not the outdoor type being from Boston. Try this. If you want to purchase a gun more than likely you will hve to change her opinion on guns. Intoduce her to positive activities that later will interwine the activities to positive gun views. For example. Take her hiking, remember if she is an urban girl, you will have to intoduce her to the outdoors slowly. Don't throw her into a boat and expect her to thread a worm on a hook, just ain't gonna happen. Introduce her to the outdoors slowly, hiking, camping, sking, kayaking, boating, then to fishing. Do a catch and release trip to start then move onto catching a fish and roasting it over a nice camp fire. This is a big step. Remember most people who view guns negatively associate guns with death. This is also true for inner city folks that view hunting as a brutal sport. They just don't associate the steak that they just purchased as a living breathing animal. Most people dont associate meat with animals unless they see a part that screams animal, like a foot, inner organ, hair, head, or sometimes bone. My wife still can't eat chicken if there is a bone in it. So going back to the point, if she is ok with you taking the life of a fish to sustain yourself and her, it really isn't that hard tto move onto the next step, hunting which "Ta Da" associates guns with a positive. Believe me it's a lot of work but it works. I am living proof. My wife was just like your girlfriend. She still don't like guns, but and its a big but, she understands why I have them. And i have a lot of them:).....Like I said it is a lot of work, but if she is worth it, then it really isn't much work. Besides I could think of much worse ways of changing someone elses oponions other than spending my time out doors.;)
    what ever you do...good luck
     
  7. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    I won't comment because it would be too harsh. Good luck.
     
  8. Hey-you-guys

    Hey-you-guys New Member

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    If it was me, I'd get the gun. Did you know she hated guns before y'all started dating, or did the subject never come up until you told her you wanted one?
    I can't say I know how you feel because everyone in Texas likes guns, so the problem you're having is one I've never experienced nor do I personally know anyone who's experienced it.
    Sorry this is happening to you, but as said earlier, which do you want more?
     
  9. cbw

    cbw New Member

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    Hey you guys
    nice avatar
     
  10. suprdave

    suprdave New Member

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    My wife was the same way. She had a better reason to dislike guns. She was shot when she was younger. It took a long, looooong time to get her to warm up to the idea of shooting. She's still apprehensive, but she now has a Concealed Carry Permit, and goes to the range with me whenever I ask. A lot of times, one idiot can mess a person up for life. Show her that you are responsible, and no harm will come of her.
     
  11. slowryde45

    slowryde45 New Member

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    You might try enrolling her in a self-defense class, geared towards women. Specially if they teach self defense in a home scenario or if she is by herself. The reason being, most of those types of classes will introduce the students to options for self defense - (ie - weapons). Although the classes we taught, we got down to the basics of empty hand. But, we did teach quite a bit about being 'armed', what types of things you could be armed with, etc. The classes normally included a trip to the range, where they got a firearm's safety class, and first hand experience with loading/unloading, clearing jams, aiming, gun control, and firing several different types of firearms, from .22's to 12ga. While some did not like that particular part of the class, other's were very interested. So it's hit and miss. But we did find that involving a few women trainers helped quite a bit, as they could relate to some of the fears better than a male. We also changed the classes a bit, by bringing in guest speakers (victims of violent crime), who made a huge difference. It was expected, but not to the extent, that it changed the attitudes in the classes. I think gun sales and CCW's went up quite a bit after that class. But to be fair, so did the sales of pepper sprays, stun guns, etc. :p

    You might try your local PD, to see if they offer classes like that. Or some of the women's leagues, local gun ranges, etc.

    Good luck,
    Slo
     
  12. TXnorton

    TXnorton New Member

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    Chip:

    Run her off.

    What will be the next thing that is a "it's me or (fill in the blank)". When one person absolutely will not compromise in a relationship, that relatonship will not last long.

    Get out now before it becomes too expensive!
     
  13. chip102

    chip102 New Member

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    We are planning on a camping trip this summer where I have talked about fishing some of our meals and she isnt upset by that. I have also been talking to her and she seems ok with the idea of me having one if i rent a locker at a local range and keep it there. Her ex was a absolute Di*k to her and cheated and minorly abused her so i think that she is afraid that if I have a gun, then if we fight i would use it violently, which i would never do. She also doesn't like that I carry a folding knife on my pocket, but she is getting use to it. I think I might be able to make this work. I dont think that running her away is the answer tho, in a relationship you have to reason and work things out.
     
  14. suprdave

    suprdave New Member

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    She has to use reason, too.
     
  15. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    Reason...Woman

    Mutually exclusive terms often times.
     
  16. suprdave

    suprdave New Member

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    I can't believe I posted that! I hope a few people get a laugh out of it, because it's too late to edit it now!
     
  17. CA357

    CA357 New Member Supporter

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    Dave, as a married man, I understand completely. ;)
     
  18. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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    You are a single man. Get the gun, see what happens.

    Personally, if someone gives me an ultimatum like that, I do it. Not for spite, but to keep my dignity, which she apparently doesn't want you to have either. :rolleyes:
     
  19. Glasshartt

    Glasshartt New Member

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    Wait, we're not all like that!!

    Well, except when it comes to motorcycles, that it. But I didn't actually tell Scubie that he couldn't have a motorcycle. :rolleyes: I only said that he could have a motorcycle or me, not both at the same time. His choice. If he had had one before we were married, that would have been different. :eek:
     
  20. robocop10mm

    robocop10mm Lifetime Supporting Member Lifetime Supporter

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    Hence the "often times" part. There are a few good ones out there. The others do not interest me in the least.