Anti-Emo Rites of Passage

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by Benning Boy, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Since my bros are beating manly drums today, and most of us have our toenails clear, it's time to save our youth, and pass the acetelyne torch.

    I propose a man boot camp, 30 days long. You will gain admission at 15 years of age. Fail, and you can spend the rest of your life earning minimum wage in a Vietnamese nail salon, making women attractive for real men.

    In the vein of Skull's Man Law thread, I need 30 submissions for a 20 hour activity. It should build character, foster the confidence a boy will need to survive in a cold world, and drive out any desire to dress like Boy George.

    Day 1: Breakfast will entail you taking your gay little @$$ to the woodline, where I will take care of your Emo hairdo with a Tom Brown Tracker knife. You will take that knife, harvest some hickory to smoke the boar you will be slaying, and learn to start a f*****g fire.

    Harvest your pig. Believe it or not, that snorting evil monster is the same thing that comes on that bun at the food court, but you've never had to look it in the eye before it got to the bun. Now you do. Hungry yet? Punk.

    Day 2, please, gentlemen.
     
  2. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    Oh this should be good....
     

  3. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    See, day 2 is gone already.

    Day 2:

    Drop you shoes and socks. You will be rock climbing and cave exploring. You will be given a shoulder bag for the collection of edibles. That includes insects, grubs and greens. No pork on this day.
     
  4. fisher77

    fisher77 New Member

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    Day 3 Will consist of an all day trudge trough the jungle, in full combat gear, with a fully loaded pack, hacking away at the vines and underbrush to clear a path in the 100 degree heat, and 99% humidity. There will be no breakfast. Lunch and dinner will consist of cold c-rats served with warm canteen water purified with iodine tablets.
     
  5. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    Alright I'll play. Day 4: Auto shop. By the end of the session you will not only know basic automotive skills such as oil change and tire changing, but you will be able to perform more complex procedures such as a plenum gasket change or a transfer case rebuild and repair.
     
  6. Ubergopher

    Ubergopher New Member

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    Day 5: Fighting techniques and the ethics of fighting. How to understand the difference between fights like "friendly brawl" "less friendly fisticuffs" or a flat out "fight to the death." and understanding what strikes are unacceptable or acceptable, for instance.

    In a friendly brawl, body shots are acceptable, as is grappling on the ground. While in LFF you're able to strike the face and some kicks.

    In fight to the death, anything is allowed.

    Edit: And most importantly, when to stop.

    First one is on the tap out, second when they're knocked out, but you're then obligated to take them to the hospital if they require medical attention. Third, you call the police, or toss the body in the water.
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2009
  7. Kage0113

    Kage0113 New Member

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    Day 6: Take them out and teach them contact sports. Starting with the old pig skin. No pads no nothing. Full contact football, followed by rugby. They will be allowed a light breakfast, and for lunch they will be sent straight to the gym for weight lifting, and dinner is whatever they can catch. They learned these skills day 2.
     
  8. Gojubrian

    Gojubrian New Member

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    Day 7. Your little retarded ungrateful self will be doing neighborhood chores all day long without any expectance of pay. You will learn the meaning of love and service and keep a motivated smile on your face if it kills you, maggot vomit.
     
  9. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    Day 8: Tangos Day of Madness

    0430 day starts.

    0500: breakfast

    0530: road march to rifle range for maintence of the range.

    0900: road march to Mrs. Johnsons house for lawn and house care. Mrs. Johnson needs help because her husband of 70 years is sick and in the hospital. Mr. Johnson is a WWII Vet who scaled the cliffs at Omaha beach. You will perform this work and what ever else Mrs. Johnson wants done for a payment of knowing that you helped a great person and great american.

    1100: back to rifle range for BRM. If you don't qualify you will get a second chance if you fail twice then you will be out processed and given sex change and free nose job.

    1400: road march back to base camp.

    1500: personal time. To call mommy or daddy

    1530: PT

    1630: KP duty for all EMO's

    1900: barracks clean up.

    2100: EMO reeducation

    2300: Team building exercise road march to obstacle course.

    000: Obstacle course.

    0330: Road march back to Barracks

    0430: Sleep

    0600: Day 9, Hearth and plow maybe.
     
  10. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Oh my, yes. I knew you guys wouldn't let me down. Please continue.:D
     
  11. suprdave

    suprdave New Member

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    Day 10

    "Learn how to grill day"

    0430- wake up
    0431- Sh*t, shower, shave, shampoo
    0445- Breakfast, if you're fast enough
    0500- Hog hunt
    1200- Cook the damn hog
    1700- Eat the damn hog
    1730- Run until you puke the damn hog...
     
  12. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Day 11, Alcohol!

    0500: So you wanna drink. Okay, you're learning to be a man, and for many men, drinking is a way to unwind, bond, or celebrate.

    But you've been a nasty little Emo. You sneak into Daddy's liquor cabinent, and sample the wine coolers he buys for Mommy.

    Today's mantra is simple. Drink
    Run
    Puke
    Repeat.

    Nothing goes with an adult beverage like a smoke. You will be permitted Lucky Strikes during the run portion.

    Not so much fun now, right?
     
  13. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    You forgot to pull the filters off!
     
  14. user4

    user4 New Member

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    Day 12 Mano e Mano

    You will be paired with another emo whom you must hunt and either kill or force into indentured servitude. Any captured emo has 24 hours to kill captor and escape or be sold to Soylent Green Industries.
     
  15. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Old school Luckies had no filters. I smoked them in Basic Training (Yeah, if you didn't fall out of the runs, there was a time when you could smoke in Boot), because that was the cig NOBODY would try to bum off of you.;)
     
  16. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    LOL! Soylent Green is People!!!!!;)
     
  17. Caliche

    Caliche New Member

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    Day 13 - Hearth and Plow

    Ok, I might be able to help with this one. Welcome to the farm, this is where food comes from. It is not quick, nor is it easy.

    This is a post hole digger and believe it or not, it is used to dig holes.... for posts. These posts hold up the fence that keeps the tasty critters from eating the tasty crops. Now we build fence. It will also not be quick, nor easy. Yes, that is what barb wire really looks like. You may use gloves if you must.

    This, is a pear (cactus) burner. It is a propane tank with a shoulder strap and a burner wand. Yes, it is basically a small flame thrower. No, you will not feel like Rambo. We are in South Texas, rain is a foreign concept. Animals get hungry and eat any living vegetation. In the 110 degree summer heat you will now go burn the thorns off of cactus. Enjoy.

    Good, you're done. Stop hugging the purged tank. Yes, I know it is nice and cool but there is more work to do.

    Hay bales. They are heavy, there are lots of them, and they are doing no good in the barn. No, they aren't doing any good on the trailer either. I think you see where this is going.
     
  18. jng2985

    jng2985 New Member

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    you can't give them a knife, they'll start cutting themselves..
     
  19. Benning Boy

    Benning Boy New Member

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    Well done, and welcome aboard.
     
  20. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.