And then the fight started....

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by canebrake, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Bud Light for $14.95.
    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
    I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
    And then the fight started....
     
  2. chopkick

    chopkick New Member

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    Cane, you're a brave man.
     

  3. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
    She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
    I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
    And then the fight started.....
     
  4. gorknoids

    gorknoids New Member

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    The next day she was standing before the mirror looking at her chesticles.
    As hubby walked in, she said "I wish there was something I could do to plump these things up and make them huge".
    He pulled off a few sheets of toilet paper and handed them to her saying "Here Honey. Just rub this between them two or three times a day".
    She looked confused for a beat, then asked "Does that really work?"

    "Sure worked wonders on your ass."

    And then the fight started.
     
  5. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
    I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And that's when the fight started....
     
  6. cpttango30

    cpttango30 New Member

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    Then I woke up a week later and the doctor said with a few more surgeries I will be able to see again.
     
  7. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
    So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
    And that's when the fight started....
     
  8. trustkill676

    trustkill676 New Member

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    if i were drinking a soda when i read this i have no doubt it would be all over my laptop monitor by now... you guys are too much....
     
  9. canebrake

    canebrake New Member

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    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
    "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
    Nah, she can order for herself."
    And then the fight started...
     
  10. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.

    So I took her to a gas station.

    And that's when the fight started....
     
  11. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    My wife decided we needed to go antiqueing.
    After walking through several stores, we came across one that was filled with antique luggage, attachés and the like.
    A few minutes of looking around, a man in the store loudly asked the proprietor, "How much for this old bag?"
    "Fifty bucks, no return!" I answered.
    THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED
     
  12. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    I rear-ended a car this morning.
    So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got
    out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and Little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
    HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

    And that's when the fight started.....
     
  13. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    My wife said, "Honey, I'm thinking about getting a boob job". I said, "You don't need a boob job. Just get some toilet paper and rub it in your cleavage". She asked, "Will that make my boobs bigger?" I said, "It worked for your butt".

    That's how the fight started.
     
  14. skullcrusher

    skullcrusher New Member

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    Wow, did not take long for a duplicate. :rolleyes:
     
  15. Chester

    Chester New Member

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    My wife threatened to cut me off, I told her she couldn't. She said wait and see, I said you don't know where i'm getting it. And then the fight started
     
  16. McNabb11b

    McNabb11b New Member

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    I sent my wife to the store last week for a pack of cigarettes. She came home with a little pouch of tobacco and papers and told me "Roll your owns, They are so much cheaper"
    So today when she sent me to the store I brought back a bag of cotton balls and a roll of string. "Roll your owns" I said, "So much cheaper"
    That is when the fight started.
     
  17. dnthmn2004

    dnthmn2004 New Member

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    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, 'What's on TV?'
    I said, 'Dust.'
    And then the fight started...
     
  18. dnthmn2004

    dnthmn2004 New Member

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    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
    Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.'
    I bought her a scale.
    And then the fight started...
     
  19. gregs887

    gregs887 New Member

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    My bad, didn't read the whole thread
     
  20. dnthmn2004

    dnthmn2004 New Member

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    One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
    passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT?? What was that?”

    So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear: “You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can't you just love me for who I am not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you; she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck . I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That's fine, honey.”

    She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.”

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don't feel like it.”

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT?”

    I then said “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” I added, “Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
    And then the fight started...