Amateur Liar contest

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by c3shooter, Sep 10, 2020.

  1. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Lifetime Supporter

    Now, I KNOW that all of you here are as honest as the day is long, and have never stretched the truth or fibbed since Momma caught you in the cookie jar, but along the way you must have heard some good ones.

    Please note the title AMATEUR Liar Contest. This means NOTHING of a political nature- since they are in the Professional Liar section.

    So- whatcha got?
    Mercator, JimRau and towboater like this.
  2. Rifling82

    Rifling82 Well-Known Member Supporter

    Pete Rose (but I still think he belongs in the Hall of Fame)
    BullMoose429 likes this.

  3. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Lifetime Supporter

    Old saying- "The first liar ain't got a chance"- so i'll start- and since this is a gun forum, I'll start with a story about- a gun.

    Most of you know that the 10 g. shotgun is the largest that can be used for hunting in the US- but there IS an exception- a muzzleloader (caplock) that uses loose powder and shot is not a firearm- it is an ANTIQUE firearm. I got me one of dem tings.

    Inherited it from my Grandpa Jereboam, it was one of dem twoce hole shootsguns- some of you call 'em double barrels, Had hammers that had ears like a mule- cause it kicked like a mule. It had 36 inch barrels and was an EIGHT gauge. But it had a problem.

    That gun could kill a deer so far away, by the time you get to where the deer is laying, the meat done spoilt. So I asked my Uncle Mordecai how did Grandpa deal with that?

    He explained that you had to tailor your loading to that shotgun. Only the right side barrel got loaded with powder, wadding and buckshot. The other side was to be loaded with powder, folded up butcher paper, string, rock salt and 2 single edge razor blades.

    You shoot the right barrel, and drop the deer where he be standing. Then you pull the trigger on the other barrel- and start walking after that deer. When you get there, you find that deer has been cut up with the razor blades, salted down, wrapped up in the butcher paper and tied with the string.
    OLD Ron, Sniper03, G66enigma and 11 others like this.
  4. Nod

    Nod Well-Known Member

    You win !!!!!
  5. locutus

    locutus Well-Known Member Supporter

    An old motor pool sergeant told me that a 1911 kicked so hard that you needed to wrap your wrist with three or four layers of 2 inch adhesive tape before going out to qualify or it would sprain your wrist.
    Sniper03 and winds-of-change like this.
  6. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

    I just found out that I won a contest. The prize is two weeks, all expenses paid, on a private yacht in the Caribbean, with only the crew, and with Jourdan Dunn as a personal escort. Being as I am near 70, I may have to cut it back to twelve days. I just don't have the energy I once did.

    A real lie, told by one of my co-workers. He is one of the people who always breaks into conversations with "one up" stories, no matter what the subject was. When ever the topic of guns or marksmanship came up, is that he had a friend who could hit an 8 oz. coke bottle, ever shot, at one hundred yards, with a Model 36 S&W. The biggest part of the lie was that he had a friend.
    winds-of-change and c3shooter like this.
  7. Maser

    Maser Well-Known Member

    My personal favorite was from my buddy Sam. He loves to shoot guns, but doesn't know crap about them. Anyways, back when we were teenagers we were shooting the Security Six which has been my CCW for awhile now. Anyways, he shoots some full powered .357 Mag loads and after I asked him if it's got a nice kick to it, he looks at me seriously and says that kick was nothing and I should feel what a .38 Special feels like. Freaking classic!
  8. c3shooter

    c3shooter Administrator Staff Member Admin Moderator Lifetime Supporter

    When I wuz a kid, nobody had air conditioning in their house. In the summer you had windows open, and curtains blowing in the breeze. We had a big window fan that you could open all the windows, crank that baby up, and pull cool air in. One evening we left the house for the bi-weekly trip to the grocery store in town- and we left the windows open.

    It was bad enough that a thunderstorm came up, what with all the windows open, but the thunderstorm spawned a tornado. That tornado ripped thru the woods, and passed 100 feet from our house. The winds from that tornado made that big window fan spin BACKWARDS like crazy and made our electric meter spin backwards. And at the end of the month, the electric company sent US a check.
  9. aarondhgraham

    aarondhgraham Well-Known Member

    I had a friend who made the claim he could hit a coke can every shot,,,
    At 100 yards with a 4" Ruger Security Six.

    We were in a group of four men at a restaurant/bar,,,
    I called pure BS on the claim.

    The guy got all huffy and asked me if I was calling him a liar.

    I told him I wasn't calling him a liar,,,
    I said, "I just don't think you know what 100 yards is."

    He got even huffier and said,,,
    "Of course that's with my own hand-loaded ammo."


    armoredman likes this.
  10. formerCav

    formerCav Well-Known Member

    best lie i ever heard was
    "I love you GI, no bu11$hit, you buy me Honda"
  11. JTJ

    JTJ Well-Known Member Supporter

    Since fishermen have to buy a license are they consider professionals?:rolleyes:
    rn-cindy likes this.
  12. JTJ

    JTJ Well-Known Member Supporter

    A slow on the pickup co worker asked if I had my Xmas decorations up. I told him I had an elf in the front yard with a big lighted sign saying Bah Humbug. He asked if I had flashers so I told him yes there is a proximity switch and when someone gets close the elf drops his pants. He believed it.
  13. Double20

    Double20 Active Member

    My award goes to my step daughter's ex boyfriend. Claimed to have been a Navy Seal. Was talking about kicking in doors with a shotgun. I asked him what rounds he used in the shotgun. He looked at me like I had 3 eyes. I then said, buckshot, slugs, or something else? He said "Oh, whatever the NATO issue stuff is". Pretty sure a real Navy Seal would know exactly what rounds he was carrying, their capability and designed use, and most likely the muzzle velocity and effective range. Also would bet that if they did carry a shotgun, they would carry more than one type of round and know the specific use for each type of round that they were carrying. Deduced that he was a lying sack of sh....err...excrement and was glad when she finally sent him on his way.
  14. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

    I had a tenant who's loser boyfriend claimed that he was a former Seal. I was a little suspicious, but I invited him to shoot with a group that was coming over. I think it may have been the first time he ever shot a handgun because he couldn't hit the 40 acres the barn was on.
    RKB, winds-of-change and c3shooter like this.
  15. SRK97

    SRK97 Well-Known Member Supporter

    I used to lie to my mom about why all of my pants had holes in the back left pocket, she was mad when she found out the truth.

    Something something got stuck on a barb wire fence.... 20200909_185227.jpeg
  16. armoredman

    armoredman Well-Known Member

    Inmate found with a cell phone kiestered, "That's not mine."
    winds-of-change, c3shooter and SRK97 like this.
  17. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

    This is a true story that will sound like a lie:

    I was in the Navy, stationed in Mayport, Fl., It was between paydays so most of us were too broke to even go to the EM Club. We were sitting around in our drawers, playing cards, probably spades, and *****in and complaining about everything about the service. One of the guys, who was a little spacey on a good day, was talking about how damn sick he was of service life, and how badly he wanted to go home to his girlfriend. One of the other guys suggested going for, what passed then, as a section 8. We laughed and continued to play, and the nutty sailor got up and headed out of the space we were in. I didn't see him for a week or more. When I did, he was collecting his personal things as he was being discharged.

    He told me and another buddy what happened. We were tied up three ships out from the pier, and he, in his drawers made bolt across all three quarterdecks, and hit the beach at full speed headed for the main gate. All three OODs probably called the shore patrol. He was heading across a park when he realized how badly he had screwed up. About the same time, the shore patrol began closing in on him. He said that the more he thought about his situation, the funnier it became, so when the finally surrounded him, he was on his knees, laughing like a mad man.

    Usually the shore patrol goes in billy stick first, but this time, they acted like the really felt sorry for the poor broken sailor and handled him with kid gloves. That was even funnier to the fellow, and he couldn't stop laughing, and it wasn't a show.....

    He spent a couple of days in a padded cell, spoke to a shrink, and they granted him an Administrative Discharge, which would allow him his VA benefits, and had his family come pick him up. This guy may have been the first of all streakers, and he streaked his way right out of the Navy.
  18. Chainfire

    Chainfire Well-Known Member Supporter

    That reminds me of the ring I had in my billfold in high school.
  19. rn-cindy

    rn-cindy Well-Known Member

    When i was a kid we were so poor, that since we didnt have any food, we would sit around the table, mom would get out Grandmas old recipe books and read the ingredients to us. My Brother was he almost starved to death...
  20. Sniper03

    Sniper03 Supporting Member Supporter

    My first experience with not being truthful was at around 4 years old.
    I hated Peas! And I was required to clean my plate at every meal before I was allowed to get up from the Table to play or whatever.
    So while no one was looking I took each Pea and placed all of them around and under the edge of my Plate. Duhhhh! What was I thinking? Mom advised, you can get up now! Good boy you ate all your Peas!
    You guessed it! Mom had to wash the Dishes. And guess what she found when she picked up my Plate. Shortly after that, I experienced some pain to my rear end caused by a Fly Swatter!:p
    Funny now but not at the time! I have never forgotten that experience even today!
    Still don't like Peas! Maybe there is a reason!:rolleyes: