Something to Offend Everyone....

Discussion in 'The Club House' started by IGETEVEN, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. IGETEVEN

    IGETEVEN New Member

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    Something to Offend Everyone.

    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag.

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Doughnuts.

    What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
    100 people who don't do dick.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    45 lbs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 minutes.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog! is still excited to see you.

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
    Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"

    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    He walks around saying "Yo."

    Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
    They're hiring.

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the FU@K word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh!t..."

    Why is there no Disneyland in China?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.



    I am an Equal Opportunity offender. :cool:
     
  2. lonyaeger

    lonyaeger New Member

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    I LOLed at each and every one!
     

  3. danf_fl

    danf_fl Retired

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    I like it. Can I make a copy?
     
  4. CA357

    CA357 New Member

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    Good stuff Jack, thumbs up.
     
  5. Txhillbilly

    Txhillbilly Active Member

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    Now that was funny!
     
  6. winds-of-change

    winds-of-change The Balota's Staff Member

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    Very funny post. Thanks for the laugh.
     
  7. dnthmn2004

    dnthmn2004 New Member

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    Good laugh. Thanks!
     
  8. VitSports6

    VitSports6 New Member

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  9. mesinge2

    mesinge2 New Member

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    Ha. Love it. Funny stuff.
     
  10. Hawg

    Hawg New Member

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    I always heard a yankee was the string on a tampon
     
  11. Cinderocka1989

    Cinderocka1989 Active Member

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    Reminded of me of Full Metal Jacket

    "I am hard, but I am fair! There is no racial bigotry here! ... here you are all equally worthless!"

    I would marry Ralph Ermey... Just saying....
     
  12. LONGHAIR

    LONGHAIR New Member

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    Great Jokes.....I needed some new-ones......
     
  13. silverado113

    silverado113 New Member

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    I think you covered everyone,good job.