I'll give one factor no one has brought up yet. The ca;iber\gauge\load you start with, and the layout\pklatform you start with.
Throw a new shooter behind an old Steven's 12 gauge single shot, loaded with 3 inch magnum slugs, in a 5 pound, solid plate rear, ill fitting stock, and you either have a shooter after that point that LOVES recoil, or is afraid of even a 7 pound rifle in .223 Remington.
i ain't saying i love bruising, and crushing injuries, but i enjoy shooting my GP100, 6 inch, half lug, stock rubber grips with the wood panels, single handed in a bull's eye posture, with 158 grain magnums. i can tolerate doing so with the 4 inch 686, and I pretty much always 2 hand the snub nose .38s I own, but I can still single hand them with 158 grain pills, weak hand. i just don
t enjoy it as much.
i also love shooting my friend's cut down H&R single shot 10 gauge, enough so that I am looking to buy one for myself.
Rifle wise, I love shooting the few .50 BMGs my friends own, even when i pay for my own ammo, prone or at a bench.Off hand, i don't even feel the recoil from my dad's 1988 produced Savage 110 in .270, or the sporterized 1903 Mark I, same with the P1917. And I love my .45-70s.
however, I AM NOT NORMAL, and I will be the first to admit it. most of the guiys I shoot with will fire a round or two from the NEF Handi-Rifle in .45-70, .405 grain pill, and unload it, then hand it back to me, and fold. More than one has done the same with the Guide gun. I love recoil, and I ain't talking about the magazine.
most of the men I have shot with, I'd say my grandfather's pre-64 Model 70 in .30-06, with 185 grain loads is right about it for true comfort, and the gas checked 220 grain lead elk loads I roll myself (Shot a coyote with one once. Quite the mess.) are the tap out point, from a bench, or off hand making little difference.
now, here's one that will get you. i find that the women I have shot with handle recoil better than the men. Could have something to do with the fact that about 2/3rds of them have been trough child birth, or it could be the whole demasculation of my gender over the last 30 years, but the girls handle the hotter loads better than most of the guy I know. may also be that my stocks, as I am only 5 foot 7, fit them better than they do the men I know, as most are around 6 feet even.
The first rifle, centerfire, that my wife shot was dad's 110, followed by the M70, and I have watched her sit at a bench, and feed slugs through her smoothbore, youth model M500 we set up as a DSG, for well over an hour with no anticipation, other than checking group size afterwards. Same with my daughtewr, with her Youth 870, and thre B Square mount on it.
Now, I do own a few that I just hate, despise even, due to the amount of recoil they have, main one that comes to mind is the Alaskan M4 Survival Derringer, which I have fired TWICE in 11 years. I will freely admit that, if I ran across the designer of said pistol, I would deliver a line drive kick, straight to his b@lls, for putting the .45-70 barrel on top of the .45 LC\.410 Barrel.
or maybe not, as he just might be a sadomasichist, and might even really enjoy shooting his creation.
I myself, and every other person that has shot it, even the handful that own a S&W .500, have never wanted to shoot it ever again, to the point that I would give the 155 Mm howitzer chain mentiond a try for the shoulder first, as it would likely hurt less.
now, I do not, under any circumstances, give anyone a hard time about being recoil sensitive, as some of them do have very solid reasons for being so, a few of them, it's a medical reason, like two of my friends who now have pacemakers, and are left handed\left eyed, that had to seel off their heavyweights, and one who has a calcium deficiency that could wind up breaking bones, or have carpa tunnel\ wrist, shoulder, or elbow issues.
Having been in A LOT of pain in my life, I get it, and fully understand, as I also understand dealing with physical limitations. I know what it feels like to be mocked or picked on over a disability or the after afects of an injury, so I DO NOT do it to others, instead trying to help them find what works best for them, to the point oif having traded off a few of my own personal firearms, to keep them active in shooting sports, and capable of SD.
(one of which was an old S&W 36 with a set of pachmayr grips, that I loved, for my LC9, as it recoiled softer with 125 grain JHPs, and 158 grain target loads, which it's new owner could handle after getting his hand caught between the tip of a folklift tine and a dumpster at work. he never had an issue before that with his LC9, but did after the incident, as it partially severed his primary, left, hand between the wrist and fingers. It healed, but it was never right after that, and he could handle that 36 right handed, or left handed, with no issues, so we went to Mayvilles, walked into the permit office, and paid $6 each, and handed them off in the parking lot.)