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Old 04-12-2011, 02:49 AM   #11
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Tough situation. I think I would be giving dad a nice gun safe for his birthday, Christmas, or other special occasion . . . not so much as a "you need this," but "you deserve this" kind of gift. Then, you could discreetly start helping police the house to make sure the guns are properly secured.

If it gets to the point it is just not safe with him having access to firearms, then you may have to make some tough decisions about having him declared incompetent by a judge, and either remove the guns from the house, or lock them up so he can't get to them. This is a difficult decision to make, but an easier one than the decisions you might have to make in picking out a casket or two for loved ones killed because of his mental incapacity.

Good luck.

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Old 04-12-2011, 02:58 AM   #12
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My Dad passed away from Alzheimers and it was difficult for us to remove the things he valued but in the long run we were protecting him and others. For instance he was going to the doctor one day and ended up almost 20 miles past the office, another time he ran a red light and was broadsided. Fortunately no one was injured but it was at that point we made a decision to take the car and his keys. His guns were locked in a safe so we found the key and took that too. He argued and yelled but it was for the best.

Getting to the point, as the disease progressed he became violent with the in home care givers we had hired on a 24/7 basis. He had never been this way, but yet he was cursing, kicking and swinging at the ladies who were there to help him. I'm glad that guns were not available during this stage of the disease. Finally, we ended up taking him to a nursing home where a few months later he died.

Bottom line, you have to find out what you Dad is being treated for and find out what the downside or side effects can or will be. If he is medicated and has medical problems, I would get the family together and tell him what you are going to do and why. Prepare yourself for the anger that is sure to come but stand firm and attempt to reason with him, and remember that anyone within the home or around it can potentially be harmed by him during a moment of medicated confusion.

I wish you luck, it won't be easy.

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Old 04-12-2011, 03:05 AM   #13
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No easy answer for this one. First, some of us here are on the shady side of 60- but there is 60, and there is 60. My lady has a CNS degenerative disease that causes mental changes somewhat akin to Alzheimer's- and we have to recognize when the time comes that you can no longer do what you used to do- and NOBODY likes that.

The problem is, there is rarely a condition white and a condition black- it is the freakin' shades of GREY that will drive you up the wall.

Your Dad's meds MAY need adjusting. His mindset may need adjusting. However, there is a real problem with taking advice on sex, money, or guns from anyone that you have changed their diaper!

I canot judge your Dad's state of mind, mental condition, etc at long range. I DO strongly urge you to discuss this with his Doc. Do NOT expect a happy, peaceful acceptance. Realistically, it MAY be that you will need to do what is needed to keep your kids safe- that MAY mean that you and kids live in a different place.

Prayers and best wishes for all of your family.

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Old 04-12-2011, 03:34 AM   #14
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First, I feel for you as dealing with the deterioration of loved ones is difficult. I commend you for seeking some advice and thoughts of others. Welcome to the community.

Lot's of good ideas and opinions here.

I like the safe idea. Buy him one and tell him it is to keep them safe in case of a robbery when nobody is home and to keep your nephew from getting at them. Once installed, make sure you have the combination and he does as well. If he is in a confused state and tries to access them, he probably won't be able to work the combination, or give him the combination one number off. If he tries to get at them and can't work the lock, then you or your mother can help and open it if he is clear minded. For home safety, get a biometric safe and store one that you and your mother can open.

Still, he deserves being told about your family's concerns about his meds and the side effects. Let him know he did well by teaching you how to handle the handguns and that he is your hero. Love is a powerful drug of its own.


Start thinking about a power of attorney as well. Removing his property from the house/and or selling it could lead to some serious legal issues for everyone involved.

These are just my opinions and intial thoughts, so take them all with a grain of salt. Hang in there and let us know know what you decide.

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Old 04-12-2011, 03:35 AM   #15
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I'm pretty much all for the gun safe idea, if he forgets a lot of things he might not remember the code so it kind of works in your favor if you and your mom remember it you can pretty much control him in the gun area at least.

I know this makes me sound like a mean bass tard but this is what I do for a living (controlling people). If you do, don't so something stupid like writting it down some place obviouse.

Worst comes to worst and he gets to the point that he is having flash backs from the army or something like that you have control over his guns, hand to hand combat is all up to you or the police. We had the same issues when I worked at a old folks home as security, I love what vets do and have done but I hate what they had to go through for this country.

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Old 04-12-2011, 04:18 AM   #16
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Unhappy

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with that situation.


Personally, I hope i don't live long enough to be in his shoes.



Edit* Constructively, do you think you could convince him to take them somewhere for "repairs"?

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Old 04-12-2011, 04:38 AM   #17
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I'm sorry to hear about your father, it is a very tough thing to watch a parent waste away

As for the issue with the guns, if you feel there is a danger than I would remove them or at the least make them inoperable. I am seeing first hand the confusion and paranoia from Alzheimer and it could be a very dangerous situation with guns in the mix.

Good luck to you and prayers offered

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Old 04-12-2011, 04:42 AM   #18
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My dad is 98 Y.O. now. When he was 92 he had a major storke. It took a couple of years for him to recover enough to go home or actually a house in a better place than he was living at. He lives pretty much on his own as he wishes. The gun thing had become a problem for my brothers and I. I ended up taking them away, one of the things most difficult in my life, and take the sh!t he gave me for about but not quite a year. Now he knows they're safe and will be kept in the family and has finally forgiven me.

I don't know if this will help if you decide to take them away but be prepaired to take a ration of sh!t from him for a good deal of time. Sometimes you just have to be mentally strong to do the right thing.

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Old 04-12-2011, 03:43 PM   #19
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Default my dad and his firearms

Here is a simple solution for you: Go buy a gun cabnet (safe). Does not have to be expensive but it does need to be secure and lockable. Lock up all his firearms, and give him the keys, keep a spare set. talk to him about your concerns. You may still have to go behind him and ensure the firearms are properly stowed after he has used them.

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Old 04-12-2011, 04:19 PM   #20
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Putting myself in your situation, here are some thoughts...

1. If your dad is potentially capable of reacting violently without knowing who he's reacting to - like if you come in the house at night - and you or anyone else in your family might be hurt or killed, or if he no longer handles firearms safely; or

2. If you have asked your dad when his head is clear that he get a safe or two for his handguns and he refuses or ignores you even in light of the fact your nephew might get ahold of one of them and inadvertently cause harm to himself or others; or

3. There are no moments of lucidity when your dad is off medication enough that he can truly understand the seriousness of the situation,

...then I'd move the heck out and I wouldn't be paying him any visits! I'm sure you love your dad, but you don't put yourself or others in harm's way like that. It is the responsibility of loved ones to not let a family member who's not all there have access to firearms.

Indeed, if there are no moments of lucidity, he probably shouldn't be around firearms at all but that's a call you and your family have to make.

If he's foggy enough that he might make a terrible mistake at home (I assume that was the point of your telling us about how he gets foggy while on his meds) and he carries outside the home then someone innocent could end up dead and your dad could end up in prison. I'd work on that if I were you.

What I would not do is abdicate responsibility for resolving the problem and call the cops or ask a judge to have his firearms taken from him.

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