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Old 07-29-2012, 05:45 AM   #21
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Sounds like your brother wanted to step in an be the Hero to keep her out of a senior care facility?

Poor guy has no Idea what he's in for. Our lives have been on hold and cometely rotating around moms needs since last October.

This upcoming move will mean as much to our sanity as it will to her care.

Tack
Yeah, it was really messed up how my sister and I found out. He had worked out with mom that she would pay the down payment on a new house that would be big enough for her to move in with them. They were in escrow when my sister and I found out. Then he drags his feet on having her move in, saying the house wasn't ready and other BS, until I had enough and my wife, kids and I went up to moms one day and moved her and all of her stuff to my brothers. That was oh, about 2 or 3 months ago. I am still taking care of much of her needs, his place is closer than her house anyhow and I just know what she needs really well. I am backing off though. They made their bed now they have to sleep in it.

He really has no idea. At least my wife and I took care of both of her parents in their last years so we have been through it before. But I am the youngest of the three of us kids, so what do I know?
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Old 07-31-2012, 10:46 AM   #22
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You're sound asleep. Suddenly a noise wakes you. You try to find the source of the noise. In the blink of an eye you see the shadow of feet under your doorway. The door slowly eases open. You grab the gun in the nightstand. There is a silhouette in the doorway. You raise the gun and fire three shots. Congratulations. You just shot the night duty nurse.

There is a reason patients in any facility are banned from possessing firearms in their room. I know it was a tough decision for you to make, but it was without a doubt the right decision.

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Old 08-01-2012, 12:03 AM   #23
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Tough decision... I was faced with the same one. It would be a violation of state trespassing laws, assuming I got caught.

The whole assisted living turned out to be a F* nightmare. Long story, had nothing to do with the fantastic assisted living place, and every thing to do with mom.

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Old 08-01-2012, 03:35 AM   #24
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Got her moved and settled in yesterday and her phone is not connected until tomorrow so I'm enjoying a peaceful night at home watching the 3 YO roll around in his Cozy Coupe...

She was already complaining when I stoped at lunch to drop off some personal effects...

I exained that she could CHOOSE to make the best of it and take advantage of free gourmet meals, transportation, and services OR she could CHOOSE to be miserable.

Her choice and I can't change that choice. The beautiful thing now is that if she does gripe I can chuckle and tell her to pull the nurse call...that's what it's there for...

May sound harsh but you have to understand she's a bit of a beer budget diva...it was critical to get into into a nice private pay facility that will roll her to medicaid where her care level outpaces her income. These nicer private facilities dont take medicaid off the street so 1 fall or major med screw up could have put her into a place that accepts Medicaid off the street and those are trully crap holes...from what I've seen.

Tack

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Old 08-01-2012, 05:07 AM   #25
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Got her moved and settled in yesterday and her phone is not connected until tomorrow so I'm enjoying a peaceful night at home watching the 3 YO roll around in his Cozy Coupe...

She was already complaining when I stoped at lunch to drop off some personal effects...

I exained that she could CHOOSE to make the best of it and take advantage of free gourmet meals, transportation, and services OR she could CHOOSE to be miserable.

Her choice and I can't change that choice. The beautiful thing now is that if she does gripe I can chuckle and tell her to pull the nurse call...that's what it's there for...

May sound harsh but you have to understand she's a bit of a beer budget diva...it was critical to get into into a nice private pay facility that will roll her to medicaid where her care level outpaces her income. These nicer private facilities dont take medicaid off the street so 1 fall or major med screw up could have put her into a place that accepts Medicaid off the street and those are trully crap holes...from what I've seen.

Tack
They are crap-holes. My grandmother spent her last few years moving from one to another, none better than the last. My aunt made all of the arrangements and we would visit her often, we were never (as far as I know) asked for input. I can still smell the urine and disinfectant and hear the poor old folks calling for help. This was 30 years ago. I'm not sure but I think that is why I am the way I am about it today.

Visit your mom often and always be in high spirits regardless of what she says, but do listen to her and act on it.
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Old 08-04-2012, 05:00 PM   #26
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They are crap-holes. My grandmother spent her last few years moving from one to another, none better than the last. My aunt made all of the arrangements and we would visit her often, we were never (as far as I know) asked for input. I can still smell the urine and disinfectant and hear the poor old folks calling for help. This was 30 years ago. I'm not sure but I think that is why I am the way I am about it today.

Visit your mom often and always be in high spirits regardless of what she says, but do listen to her and act on it.
Will do...

Her current grip is that her meds come many more times a day. We had her on a "4 times per day" schedule when she lived on her own because that was "as well" as we could manage it. I spoke with the nurses and they have spread it out to 5 times daily due to how far apart some of them need to bs taken.

The funny thing that I pointed out to he is that she's now feeling good enough to complain...

Tack
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Old 08-05-2012, 03:37 AM   #27
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Will do...

Her current grip is that her meds come many more times a day. We had her on a "4 times per day" schedule when she lived on her own because that was "as well" as we could manage it. I spoke with the nurses and they have spread it out to 5 times daily due to how far apart some of them need to bs taken.

The funny thing that I pointed out to he is that she's now feeling good enough to complain...

Tack
Well, take her gripes in good humor. My mom gripes about stuff that she wants me to do for her when I am visiting her at my brother's house. I tell her to ask my brother or his wife to do it if she wants it done because I am just visiting. It is a common modus operandi of the elderly, I could tell you of many examples with several different old folks.

I don't think I mentioned (and I'm too lazy to look) that without my sister's or my knowledge our mother and our brother came to an agreement where she would pay a significant amount of her total cash value as a "gift" towards a down payment on a house in exchange that she would be able to live out her life there under their care. By the time my sister and I found out the house was already in escrow.

In short, the cleanup has been pretty difficult for a number of reasons but my sister and I have taken charge of her personal finances and other than that we say that they have made their bed and now they must sleep in it. When we visit her we are visitors and act as her guests. This is not to say that we have no empathy, we just temper it somewhat.
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Old 08-05-2012, 04:27 AM   #28
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Fortunately, I have full financial control and am the only sibling with my own resources so all of Moms can go to her care. 1 brother is in upstate NY And the other is a former/probable current abuser of prescription narco's so he's out of the picture.

We picked mom up after diner tonight and took her out for ice cream with our little ones. She's still griping about the constant attention she's getting but that's typical for the first two weeks or so and she's looking much better.

Tack

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Old 08-05-2012, 04:31 AM   #29
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Looking better is a good sign. Keep up the visits.

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