I get all my conspiracy theories from Alex Jones. For example...
Have you noticed all the tin-foil at the supermarket is gone? Been replaced with aluminum foil which everyone knows doesn't stop them from listening to your thoughts.
The only reason I'm paranoid is that they're after me...
This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.