New York Hunter
New York Hunter
One of the funniest things Sarge has ever seen happen during a hunt happened to one of his Hunter Safety students. Ed Smith was from New York, the Bronx to be exact. Yes he had a Bronx accent, (he talked funny) and he talked fast like they do. But he was a great guy and he was fascinated by the idea of going out to the woods and hunting. He had seen very few trees in his life and didn't realize that there was lots of them in the woods. Also he didn't know you could eat deers. How he ended up in Missouri is a mystery to Sarge but he and his wife both showed up at one of Sarge's Hunter Safety classes. I can't say much about his wife Marilyn as Sarge's Ma always told him if you can't say anything good about a person don't say anything at all. But Ed, he was a great guy and Sarge agreed to take him hunting, deer hunting, which Ed considered just a step below African Safari hunting. As a matter of fact when Ed showed up he looked like he was on his way to Africa. He had a safari hat (where he got that thing is a question unanswered) and a rifle that was big enough and heavy enough to qualify as a destructive device. He had a machete in a holser on one side and a long hunting knife, (sword) on the other side. The only thing that kept Sarge from dying laughing is that the guy was armed. But he did chuckle a little bit.
Good thing Sarge brought two sleeping bags and extra food cause Ed didn't figure on staying in the woods. He figured there would be lodges nearby. But finally after Ed quit asking Sarge to retell his hunting stories for the 10th time the two of them got some sleep. Morning came and poor Ed he was sore all over. Never having sleep on the ground in his life he groaned as he got up but soon remembered that today was the first day of the deer season and he went hyper.
"Let's go Sarge, Let's go, we got to hunt deer." he said over and over as Sarge packed the survival bags and made sandwiches for lunch. Well as luck would have it the two-some had not gotten 500 yards into the woods when a deer jumped up. A nice buck and Sarge yelled at Ed to shoot!
"BOOM!" And the deer went down, so did Ed. Helping Ed up Sarge congratulated him, telling Ed, "You hit the deer."
Now from Sarge's Hunter Safety class Ed had learned how to field dress a deer. The way Sarge teaches it is you start your first cut down at the tail. Cutting around the anis and then tying it off. Then proceed up to the sternum. Ed remembered the lesson perfectly. The deer now had fallen over on it's back between two large rocks. It's feet were up in the air in the classic "dead deer" position. The rocks were at the edge of a steep bank that 5 yards below ended up at a green moss covered pond. OK got the picture? Ed ran to the deer and forgot the most important part Sarge taught him. BE SURE THE DEER IS DEAD BEFORE FIELD DRESSING HIM Ed whipped out his 18" long hunting knife and kneeling between the hind legs of the dead? deer, he jabbed the deer in a very sensative area between the hind legs. That is when the deer gained consciousness and his first reaction was to jerk. His jerk was with his back legs. The very legs that Ed was standing over with his shoulders touching them. And he had a dandy and strong knee jerk reaction, sending poor Ed head over heels backwards and down the steep bank he rolled until the last sound Sarge heard was "SPLASH!" It was SO funny that all Sarge could do was lay on the ground and roll with laughter. Finally he got himself under control and ran down the bank and pulled Ed (covered with green moss Ed) (wet to the skin Ed) (bruised to the bone Ed) out of the pond. Then the sight of Ed in the above descriptions got the best of him and he couldn't hold back the laughs again. Unfortunately he let loose of Ed's hand and Ed went back into the pond for a second dunk. Finally Sarge got himself under control and got Ed up to dry ground.
"Ed, you got to go back up there are finish off that deer." said Sarge.
"!$#%&**!that !&$@# deer, if you want him you shoot him." said Ed. (this is Bronks language that meant he was very unhappy with the wild fauna of America)
So Sarge finished off the deer and tagged him. But if only he had had a movie camera, he could have financed many hunting trips with that film strip.
PS Come to think of it that was the only question that Ed missed on the test. (What do you do after you shoot your big game?)