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sarge_257 10-17-2010 03:34 AM

Lt. Linda goes hunting
Living with Sarge you knew sooner or later Lt. Linda was going to go hunting. After making her a fine little deer rifle and she sighting it in, off they went to the western part of Colorado. The area that they was hunting, was called the Flattops Wilderness Area. And it was a series of flat topped mesa's and definately a wilderness. If you have been there, then you know about the little mountains that seem to pop up in the middle of the flat top mesa's. Yeah little mountains. Like here is a nice flat top mesa and in the middle will be a pointed little mountain. Almost looks like the cinder cone of a extinct volcano. And they are covered with trees. Most of the little mountains are no more than a couple of thousand feet around. But some are even smaller.

So Sarge and Lt. Linda crosses the open field and stops at the edge of the little mountain. Now Sarge knows that these little mountains out in the middle of a big meadow are natural bedding down places for deer and elk. So he hunts them very carefully.

"So Sarge, what are we going to do know?" asks Lt. Linda. It should be known now that Lt. Linda is a city girl, having grown up in Birmingham, AL. So these mountains are new and scarry to her. She is not sure what there is up here that might jump out and eat you or carry you off. So she relying on Sarge to protect her and direct her.

"Well Linda we are going to split up and go around this little mountain. You take the left and I will go the right way.(The Lt. is a Democrat, so she always goes left) Walk just about 50 feet inside the trees. Then we will meet up on the other side. If you see any deer go ahead and shoot, the whole mountain will be between us so it will be safe. Don't cross the next meadow, just wait for me." directed Sarge
"Good luck honey, see you on the other side." calls Sarge as he trudges on.
So Sarge walks on, slowly looking, watching, stalking the wiley venison burger. Finally he reaches the other side of the mountain. And no Linda.

"Humm" thinks Sarge, "She hasn't made it around yet, I see no tracks in the fresh snow, I will just lean against this tree and wait for her."
Finally Sarge see's Lt. Linda crunching through the snow, with her head down and looking at the ground ahead of her. "I forgot she had such short little legs that she doesn't walk as fast as me." Thought Sarge.
Sarge stands there leaning against the tree, Linda approaches and then she goes on by?
"Huh?" Sarge thinks, "She didn't even see me, and I am wearing 500 sq. inches of Hunter Orange." So Sarge knows there is no way she can get lost as long as she stays inside the trees, so he waits. Sure enough in an hour or so, here comes Lt. Linda again, still looking down at the snow covered ground. And there she goes, past Sarge and around the mountain again. Another hour or so later and here she comes again. Well Sarge really wanted to get some hunting done, so while this is funny he finally steps out from the tree and stands in the path she has now made in the snow.

"OH MY GOSH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" cries Lt. Linda. " I have been following you for two hours."
"Sputter sputter," Sarge tries to hold back a laugh. "Linda you have been lost, and going in a circle. You were following your own tracks!" Sarge stated.
And then he can hold it back no longer, and laughs and laughs. Lt. Linda did not think that was funny at all and she signaled her displeasure with a twist to her lips and her little hands firmly on her hips.
Finally Sarge stops laughing and choking and tells his wife to follow him this time. So they start off. When they get to the next little mountain Sarge stops, and BUMPPPP. Lt. Linda runs into the back of Sarge. He turns around to find Lt. Linda in lock step with him. She is about 6 inches away from his back pack all the way across the meadow. No way is she going to get lost again. So the rest of the day Sarge walks, Linda follows in his footsteps. CLOSE But what the heck, it was cosy.

Sarge the hunting guide for frightened women. (And loving it)

Neophyte1 10-17-2010 09:50 AM

Good Fun
Sir; another good:) story. :) I wouldn't have ''laughed" haha:)

BunnyWabbit 10-17-2010 01:38 PM

Geez Sarge, I didn't think there were any cities in Alabama. Well at least you didn't make her field dress something, unless that's a different story. lol

sarge_257 10-18-2010 03:48 AM

Linda hunting
Sarge is the farm boy and Lt. Linda is the city girl. She has never been on a farm or seen the fall butchering of hogs, yearlings nor the weekly head chopping of chickens. So any wild game cleaning is strickly my chore. She has adapted well to the mountains of Colorado and does enjoy going camping as long as she doesn't have to sleep in a tent. LOL (I bought a camper trailer to persuade her to go deer hunting) She also has no problem with all the guns we have in the house and has 8 guns of her own. All in all she has been a fine little lady and a good wife. Wait till I start posting our Saga's. Starting with our first date. Which was a blind date. I had never seen her before.

SecPro 10-18-2010 11:47 AM

You two are awesome! hahahaha :cool:

Shade 10-18-2010 01:32 PM


Originally Posted by sarge_257 (Post 369458)
..."OH MY GOSH, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" cries Lt. Linda. " I have been following you for two hours."
"Sputter sputter," Sarge tries to hold back a laugh. "Linda you have been lost, and going in a circle. You were following your own tracks!" Sarge stated.

It is obvious you have not been married long enough because
at that point my wife would have shot me. :eek:

winds-of-change 10-18-2010 02:47 PM

Lt. Linda must love you................A LOT!!

Jo da Plumbr 10-18-2010 03:15 PM

I was expecting that story to end with a "nice little deer rifle" enema for you.

sarge_257 10-19-2010 04:11 AM

Sarge is after all a survivalist. I mean you don't hang in the Army for 24 yrs. without a lot of experience in surviving close encounters. He knew that Lt. Linda might be thinking about giving him a ride on her rifle barrel but she also knew that her husband was the only one that knew how to get out of the Flattop Wilderness. She isn't a bad survivalist herself. We have been married for 30 yrs now. Unfortunately she has lost her cute Alabama Southern accent.

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