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Old 04-27-2009, 06:18 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunter Joe View Post
subject: Involuntary Muscular Contractions



A professor at the University of
Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to
his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting
subject, the professor decided to lighten
the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your ash hole is doing
while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting
with his buddies.'
i think i dated that girl
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:08 PM   #12
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So I said to him, "Barack, I know Abe Lincoln, and you are no Abe Lincoln."
That's funny right there....

JD
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:37 PM   #13
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A 5 yr. old and a 4 yr. old are upstairs in their bedroom. “ You know what?” says the 5 yr. old, I think it’s about time we started swearing”

The 4 yr. old nods his head in approval. “When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m gonna say “hell” and you say “ass” ok? “OK” the 4 yr. old agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 yr. old what he wants for breakfast. “Aw hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios”. WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 yr. old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?”

“I don’t know” , he blubbers, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

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Old 04-27-2009, 03:58 PM   #14
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Default Pelosi, a Saint?

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views." Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon." As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.

And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.
Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation -- "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person. Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief.

Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to Senators Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."

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Old 04-27-2009, 04:06 PM   #15
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LMAO!! Great one Dune.....

JD

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Old 04-27-2009, 05:47 PM   #16
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In concert with the avatar tread this week;

A father and his young son were going for a walk when they came upon two dogs humping.

The boy asked, dad what are those two dogs doing?

The father replied, the dogs are making puppies.

Later that night the son got out of bed and caught his dad humping mom.

Dad what are you doing asked the boy and dad replied we are making babies.

The boy exclaimed, dad turn her over, I want a puppy.

Once Again, Happy Birthday JD And Wishes For Many More To follow. HJ

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Old 04-28-2009, 01:45 AM   #17
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Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill tells his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About 1 hr. later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all ripped and torn.

“What happened to you” asks Bill . Well the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and his 19 yr. old daughter made passionate love to me.

“My God, what did you tell them?” asks Clinton

The driver replies, “I’m Bill Clintons driver, and I just wanted to tell you the pig is dead”.

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Old 04-28-2009, 05:52 AM   #18
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357 i do believe that is the best joke i'v heard in a while

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Old 04-28-2009, 11:43 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by warrioroftheland View Post
357 i do believe that is the best joke i'v heard in a while
I like THIS one better..

President Obama was visiting an elementary School, and he visited a 4th grade class during a discussion of words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word “tragedy”

One little boy stood up and offered, “My best friend, who lives next door, was playing in the street, and a car came along and ran him over. That would be a tragedy.

“No” said Obama, “That would be and accident”

A Little girl raised her hand. “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone in the bus, that would be a tragedy”

“I’m afraid not,” said Obama “that’s what we would call a great loss”

The room grew silent. No other children would volunteer an answer. President Obama searched the room. “isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally in the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice, he said, “If Air Force One, carrying you and Mrs. Obama, were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy”.

“Fantastic”, said Obama. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” said the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss!”
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Old 04-28-2009, 05:15 PM   #20
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Bahaha RL.
That was a good one!

S.S.

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