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 02-08-2009, 12:50 PM | #1 | Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 2,413 |  If you need a laugh today
subject: Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A professor at the University of
Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to
his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting
subject, the professor decided to lighten
the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your ash hole is doing
while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably deer hunting
with his buddies.' | 
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| 02-08-2009, 03:51 PM | #2 | Call Me Doug Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: It's because I actually HAVE those skills! Posts: 21,258 |
LOL - I think I knew that girl. 
JD __________________ "as for my Sword & Spear we will serve the throne, but NEVER that man who sits upon it" - Achilles - Warrior of Warriors
Quote:
Originally Posted by doctherock
Dillinger didn't have to let me try Cammenga Mags before I bought them; but he is a man of great character & a man who's word to me now is a good as gold. If he recommends it I know its good stuff.
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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ! | |
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| 02-08-2009, 08:12 PM | #3 | Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 960 |
thats too funny  __________________
Wars begin where u will
But they do not end where you please-Machiavelli
He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man- Dr. Johnson
"..it does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people's minds.." - Samuel Adams
your my best friend but if the zombies start chasing us im tripping you | |
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| 02-08-2009, 08:40 PM | #4 | I'm always 10-8 Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: 150 miles NE of Sloppy Joe's Bar, in the "GunShine" State Posts: 19,200 Liked 7 Times on 6 Posts
Likes Given: 6
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BIOLOGY EXAM (Teacher appreciation jokes)
Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions." Miss Arnold gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Jacobs, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light." "Correct," said Mr. Jacobs. "And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."  __________________ .
 .. Colt 11101110111..MEMBER: FAAM, NRA, GOA, DAV, USSV, SAE
Colt, everything else is stamp collecting! - cane
"Given ten days for a project, a good engineer spends nine days figuring out how to finish it in one day."
Resistance is not futile.
It's voltage divided by current (R=V/I).
"If you don't know what you're doing, don't do it on a large scale." | |
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| 02-09-2009, 02:01 PM | #5 | Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 112 | Imagine that?
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunter Joe
subject: Involuntary Muscular Contractions
A professor at the University of
Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to
his first year medical students.
Realizing this was not the most riveting
subject, the professor decided to lighten
the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your ash hole is doing
while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably deer hunting
with his buddies.'
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Now that there's funny! NOT RIGHT, but funny! 
Thanks | |
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| 03-22-2009, 05:08 PM | #6 | Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 225 |
Bob and Fred leave Bob's house for a short hunting trip. On their way back Fred notices a strange car parked in Bob's drive way, raises his rifle and see's Bob's wife with a stranger through the scope. He then tells Bob the bad news. Bob understandably upset, asks Fred if he has a shot on them.
"Sure do Bob."
"Well shoot him in *groin area* and her in the head."
"Gotcha Bob. I can do that with one shot." | |
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| 03-22-2009, 05:19 PM | #7 | Supporting Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 4,754 |
Subject
IRS Inspector
> At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the
> books of a Synagogue.
>
>
> While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I
> notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
> drippings?"
>
>
> "Good question," noted the Rabbi."We save them up and send
them back to
> the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
> candles.."
>
>
> "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his
unusual
> question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
> "What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the
> crumbs?"
>
>
> "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was
trying to
> trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send
them
> back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box
> of bread-wafers."
>
> "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster
> the know-it-all Rabbi.
>
> "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the
leftover
> foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
>
> "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we
do is save
> all the foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year
> they send us a complete dick." __________________
Quote:
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we could identify their corporate sponsors."
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| 03-22-2009, 05:45 PM | #8 | Sic Semper Tyrannis Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: , The Mother Lode Posts: 18,437 |
'Zactly. __________________
Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy) - a system of government where those least capable of leadership are elected by those least capable of producing, and where the members of society least likely to succeed or provide for themselves are rewarded with goods and services paid for by wealth confiscated from a diminishing number of people who actually work and produce.
ΜΟΛ'ΩΝ ΛΑΒ'Ε | |
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| 03-31-2009, 07:22 AM | #9 | Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 76 |
> One day a father puts his rifle away after a shooting session and on his way home suddenly
> remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a
toy shop
> and asks the salesperson, "How much for one of those Barbie's in
the
> display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one do you
mean, sir?
>
> We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for
$265.95"
>
> The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie
$265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
>
>
> The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir ...,
> "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House,
Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...One of Ken's
Friends.
Last edited by ladyM; 03-31-2009 at 07:29 AM. | |
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| 03-31-2009, 07:35 AM | #10 | Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 76 |
So I said to him, "Barack, I know Abe Lincoln, and you are no Abe Lincoln."
Last edited by ladyM; 04-05-2009 at 04:13 AM. | |
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