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Old 02-08-2009, 12:50 PM   #1
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Default If you need a laugh today

subject: Involuntary Muscular Contractions



A professor at the University of
Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to
his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting
subject, the professor decided to lighten
the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your ash hole is doing
while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting
with his buddies.'

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Old 02-08-2009, 03:51 PM   #2
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LOL - I think I knew that girl.

JD

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Old 02-08-2009, 08:12 PM   #3
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thats too funny

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Old 02-08-2009, 08:40 PM   #4
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BIOLOGY EXAM (Teacher appreciation jokes)
Mr. Jacobs, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Arnold, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions." Miss Arnold gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Jacobs, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Jacobs called on Miss Jones and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light." "Correct," said Mr. Jacobs. "And now, Miss Arnold, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

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Old 02-09-2009, 02:01 PM   #5
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Default Imagine that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hunter Joe View Post
subject: Involuntary Muscular Contractions



A professor at the University of
Mississippi was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to
his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting
subject, the professor decided to lighten
the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young
woman in the front row and said,
'Do you know what your ash hole is doing
while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting
with his buddies.'

Now that there's funny! NOT RIGHT, but funny!

Thanks
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Old 03-22-2009, 05:08 PM   #6
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Bob and Fred leave Bob's house for a short hunting trip. On their way back Fred notices a strange car parked in Bob's drive way, raises his rifle and see's Bob's wife with a stranger through the scope. He then tells Bob the bad news. Bob understandably upset, asks Fred if he has a shot on them.
"Sure do Bob."
"Well shoot him in *groin area* and her in the head."
"Gotcha Bob. I can do that with one shot."

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Old 03-22-2009, 05:19 PM   #7
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Subject
IRS Inspector


> At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the
> books of a Synagogue.
>
>
> While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I
> notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
> drippings?"
>
>
> "Good question," noted the Rabbi."We save them up and send
them back to
> the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of
> candles.."
>
>
> "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his
unusual
> question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
> "What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the
> crumbs?"
>
>
> "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was
trying to
> trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send
them
> back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box
> of bread-wafers."
>
> "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster
> the know-it-all Rabbi.
>
> "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the
leftover
> foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
>
> "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we
do is save
> all the foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year
> they send us a complete dick."

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Old 03-22-2009, 05:45 PM   #8
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'Zactly.

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Old 03-31-2009, 07:22 AM   #9
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> One day a father puts his rifle away after a shooting session and on his way home suddenly
> remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a
toy shop
> and asks the salesperson, "How much for one of those Barbie's in
the
> display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one do you
mean, sir?
>
> We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for
$265.95"
>
> The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie
$265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
>
>
> The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir ...,
> "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House,
Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...One of Ken's
Friends.

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Old 03-31-2009, 07:35 AM   #10
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So I said to him, "Barack, I know Abe Lincoln, and you are no Abe Lincoln."

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