Hello MJake ........................... OldYeager here.
I'll be first to admit, I'm no shooting expert by any means. I just love sharing my little experience and love of shooting.
I'm not sure I can objectively answer your question of 12 Ga comparison on felt recoil (kick) vs that of a 410. I know the 410 is very pleasent to shoot. And not so loud that all the neighbors dial 911 when I shoot it. ( I can't see the neighbors houses thru the woods, but I know they are over there).
On my experience with 12 Ga. slugs and buckshot from a short barrel, well they kick. Not anything you can't handle, but they can definately bruise you. I think I tend to get 'Tunnel Vision' when shooting the bigger calibers and seem to intensely focus on the target (man or beast, or paper). The report and shock and noise just seems to bounce off my body and I don't seem to notice such things. Only later might notice a little purple showing up on shoulder.
410 won't bruise you. But I think lots of folks settle on 20 Ga. And for home defence I like the short barrel shottys. I think SpittinFire on this forum somewhere probably has some pics of a nice home defence singleshot 410. I cant remember if the pics were his or someone elses. I liked that gun. I would buy a short barrel for my 410 pump if they made them, but I don't think they do.
Good luck in your search.