I have guns in here.
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Old 09-30-2010, 10:27 PM   #1
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Default I have guns in here.

Not to make the excellent post on how to react when you must defend your self against a felon, I will add this story to what can happen to you if you live in a city which has crazy, stupid gun laws and what can happen if the police officers do not have a clue on how to enforce the arcan city laws.

Sarge is a honest, law abiding citizen as you all know. But even such a impeccable person as he can run afowl of the law at times.
It happened like this:
In the City of Denver, Colorado where Sarge lives, they have some really stupid laws. Anti-gun laws if you may. One says a person can not carry a firearm in his car for self defense.
Not only is this allowed by the United States Constitution but also by the State of Colorado Constitution. But Denver has always thought they were above the laws. So the time came when a officer of Denver Police stopped Sarge on a routine holiday stop. And saw a gun. Not just one gun but 3 guns. And he promply arrested Sarge and confiscated his guns. A week later Sarge arrived at the court house with his lawyer and the judge was forced to return the guns and drop the charges.
So far so good.
If you have never had your self in a situation like this then you do not realize what you have to go through to get your own property back. That should have never been taken in the first case.
First you have to get a copy of the Judges decision, (you pay for it too) then you have to go to the Police Headquarters and fill out forms. You must have copies of who you are, (notorized yet) your birth certificate, your drivers license and probably a letter from your mother and a priest too. All this takes about 4 hours. Most of it sitting and waiting for some one to decide to sign the papers and release the property. (you can't even dare leave to put quarters in the parking meter)
Finally your name is called and you go to the property room and turn over all the forms including the release form. From here on out it becomes ridiculous. In the room is a little 'dumb waiter' like elevator. The police clerk pushed the button and slowly the elevator creaks up from the basement. Then they put the forms in the basket and pushes the button again. Slowly slowly it goes out of sight. (yes we are talking in modern times, like the year 2001.)
After you wait about another hour the little elevator slowly comes up from the depths and on it was Sarge's metal box with the three pistols inside. Sarge reaches out for his property and the Officer in charge says "NO".
"NO?" what do you mean NO?" says Sarge.
"You can't carry that gun box full of guns out of here, it would be carrying a concealed weapon." the Officer states.
"WHAT?" shrieks Sarge. "Well how in the hell am I going to get these guns to my car, then?"
"Now calm down Mr. Sarge, here is what you must carry the guns out of the building and to your vehicle." replies the Officer
And he hands the stupefied Sarge a paper sack that has printed on it
FIREARMS IN HERE
Yes that is right.
Sarge just stands there staring at the sack in amazement.
"You want me to take my guns out of this locked metal box and put them in this paper sack that says
FIREARMS IN HERE?"
And this is safer than carrying the guns to my car in a locked steel box?" asks Sarge.
"Civilization as we know it is doomed," intones Sarge as he unlocks the metal box and transfers the three pistols to the paper sack.
"Now I am totally legal, right?" asks Sarge.
"Thank you for breaking the law in our city," says the Officer and holds the door open for Sarge. "Please come back"
Sarge walks out the front door and down the sidewalk feeling like a fool carrying a paper sack that says Firearms in Here.
POOF! and a little guy is sitting on Sarge's shoulder. Sarge peeks out of the corner of his eye and sees the red outfit, long pointy tail, horns and evil grin.
"HEH HEH HEH" chuckles the little devil, "go ahead Sarge and do it"
"Do what?" says Sarge
"Don't give me that 'do what' business, I am the devil, I know what you are thinking. Go ahead, do it." he grins.
POOF! Oh Oh, Sarge looks over at his other shoulder and sure enough there is a little woman wearing white, beautiful brown hair with a gold ring on her head and little wings.
"AND IT LOOKS JUST LIKE A LADY FRIEND OF SARGE'S"
'"NO Sarge don't do it!" says the little angel.
Damn! it is Kathleen! I'd know that voice anywhere.
"Don't do it Sarge, Lt. Linda will be so mad, she will whopp you!"
said the little Angel.
"Sarge what is there to worry," says the Devil, "Linda is a little woman and she can't hit very hard." "I will keep her busy with temptations and she will never know." he slyly spoke.
"You go messing with Lt. Linda and I will knock you right off my shoulder into 10 miles of rush hour traffic you little SOB," Sarge shouts.
"Sorry, I didn't mean that, but what is there to worry about. You got the law on your side." he sneers
"No Sarge, don't do it. It will break Linda's heart when she hears about it on the TV, scare her to death, it will!" says the Angel. And if she finds out you did it she will shoot you with her .38 too!" pouts the Angel.
"Ha! devil you forgot about her .38, she will shoot us both."
says Sarge.
POOF! And the devil is gone.
"Sarge, you are not going to do it are you?" begs a petulant Angel.
Sarge smiles and holds the paper sack up high as he walks down the street. Ahh, he see's a lady coming toward him. She has a severe hairdo, wears a man's type suit and is carrying a briefcase, Perfect! She has just got to be a Liberated woman and probably a lawyer to boot. Maybe even a Democrat!
"GOOD AFTERNOON, I HAVE GUNS IN HERE!"
Sarge thrusts the paper sack with it's message easily seen into her face.
"AHHHHHHH!" She screams and runs across the street, letting out little shrieks, losing one high heel and doing a strange little hop, clump hop, clump as she runs away.
A smiling Sarge continues onward. "HELLO I HAVE GUNS IN HERE!" He anounces to the next person coming up the sidewalk. That little business man looking mouse dives for the nearest door.
"HELLO, HOW ARE YOU, I HAVE GUNS IN HERE!"
echos down the street as Sarge marches his merry way. From the roof tops it must have looked like Sarge had a magic wand in his hand. As he advanced the wave of people split and rolled across the street on both sides like the wake on the stern of a heavy cruiser.
By the time he had made it two blocks he also had picked up a couple of guys in MossyOak camo that were making bids for the three guns. Sarge explained what he was doing, and the two gunowners laughed and decided to join the parade. Soon they were spread out ahead, shouting, "That guy has some guns!"
It took two trips around the block where the truck was parked before the sirens finally began to sound. Also from the direction of the Police Headquarters came the sound of running flat feet.
In Denver's traffic the cops on foot had the advantage and the officer from the front desk reached Sarge first.
"Hello Officer, I have guns in here, see it says so right on this sack." Sarge announced.
The Officer slid to a stop and stared at the sack, then looked at Sarge. "OH you again!" he declaired. "What are you doing threatening people with a gun?"
"I am not threatening anyone, see the staples you put on the sack are still here." " I am just telling everyone, that in this wonderful country of ours a citizen can walk down the street with a gun in a sack and be entirely legal." said Sarge.
"I can walk down the street with my guns in this sack and be entirely legal can't I? You told me so, didn't you?" This is the sack you gave me to carry my guns down the street and be perfectly legal, irregardless of the fact that it says right here in large letters
FIREARMS IN HERE
"Isn't that right Officer?"
The officer shook his head and slapped his forehead. "Why me," he groaned.
"I am right, aren't I, Officer?"
"Officer, you look a little peaked, maybe you should get outside more often." Sarge offered.
"Where is your car, sir?" asked the Officer.
"Oh, my White Elephant is right over there, sir." volunteered Sarge.
"White Elephant?" asked the Officer.
"Yes my White Elephant, you know that is what my boys call my White Ford, Econoline, Van, why I remember the day I brought the White Elephant home, the boys were so happy like the first time they shot the neighbors dog, and they............"SHUT UP!""
"Yes sir." said Sarge
"That is your vehicle over there?"
"Yes sir." said Sarge
Grabbing Sarge by the arm the Officer escorted him to the truck.
"Oh heck Officer, the meter ran out and I don't have any coins, you wouldn't have.......
The coins were feed into the slot by 4 officers all trying to be the first one to help.
"Thank you men, you are a honor to your profession." says Sarge as he drives away.
POOF!... "Chicken," The little red guy sneers at Sarge, "you blew it, you had something going, I personally know that if you had held out for 5 more minutes channel 4 News would have been here"
Sarge reaches for the little pest's neck and
POOF!
Sarge the nice guy.

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Old 09-30-2010, 10:39 PM   #2
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LMAO!!! I like the story great read!

Shame tho that's what it had to come to.

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Old 09-30-2010, 10:42 PM   #3
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That story makes uncommon sense when viewed through the prism of bureaucracy.

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Old 10-01-2010, 04:08 AM   #4
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They had it coming. You make silly laws like a large printed paper bag and that is what you get. Too bad no vid for youtube. I'd of loved to see that.

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Old 10-01-2010, 05:42 AM   #5
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That is freakin hilarious!!!

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Old 10-01-2010, 06:20 AM   #6
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Sarge- on New Years Eve, 1998, my lady and I left Denver, behind the moving van. We stopped at the Kansas line, and got out to knock the dust off, and kept heading East. I'm only about 1600 miles away, and I am not sure that is enough.

I was witness to interaction between one of Denver's finest and a local citzen. Had stopped in the 7-11 for a cup of coffee. Long haired gent riding a Harley had stopped for a cup and a doughnut. He was leaned against his bike, eating his doughnut and sipping his coffee when Denver PD pulled into the lot.

"Hey, YOU! There's no loitering here!" "i'm not loitering- I am a customer, and I am eating my doughnut." "OK, wiseass, what are you- a lawyer?" "Matter of fact, I am. And I will have your badge number and your supervisor- RIGHT NOW."

Made my day- but frankly, I stayed the hell out of Denver whenever I could, and contented myself with Castle Rock.

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