Originally Posted by MisterMcCool
I have also been a foster parent and even adopted four girls out of the foster care program. My youngest daughter is also "special needs." She is way below average intelligence and will likely need long term care when she grows up. I hope she finds lifelong love and companionship with someone who is capable of independent living. If I were in that situation, I would be extremely firm. I would hear his proposal and agree to discuss it with his parents and make sure he understood that we were leaving but would schedule a future date. Then hope the future would blossom.
God Bless You and your Daughter McCool, you and she have some challenges few will understand. Keep positive, I know a number Of DD Couples that have married for decades and have better relationships than most of us "Normal" People.
The situation Scott describes here isnt that different than one without a DD Young Adult involved; we often assume a DD Person can't make a good Choice while assuming a Non DD person can. As we know, non DD Teens/ Young adults over age of consent make huge mistakes and have no diagnosis to blame it on, DD Teens tend to be watched much more closely than their "Whole" counterparts that make huge mistakes without supervision.
At 19 years old, nearly all non profound DD People are considered Adults. Unless there is a PINS petition involved, Individuals with Developmental Disability have all same rights as ones without a DD Diagnosis. I believe the Mother figure in this case did a very good job guiding this situation! I wish we did the same with our 19 year old Non DD daughters, they made lots of poor choices once they were free and able to consent to stupid choices!
This is another case of Rights being Universal and Natural. DD Folk need and want most of the same things we do; they just dont always have the same lifestyle education or support that youth, teen and adolescence lessons learned can provide us.
PS, I saw someone express a lock em up idea for Individuals with Developmental Disabilities. Its reasonable to assume you dont have much experience associating with them, lots of people dont so im gonna educate you here-
1)- DD doesnt mean they are Dangerous to themselves or others, its not a diagnosis of Mental Illness, DD's about Intellectual Capacity not instability.
2)- DD arent deviants, freaks and pervs; they almost always come from the fully developed minds with overactive imaginations.
3)- DD Folk are extremely athletic, artistic, creative and highly skilled in things we fail to master with our "Normal" Brains.
4)- DD doesnt mean your unemployable, contrary to popular belief, DD People are hands down the most devoted employees you will ever be lucky enough to hire.
5)- DD couple often never have children and understand why they often shouldnt try, life is challenging without kids (even if your "normal"). Those that choose to be parents often raise awesome citizens.
6)- DD folks Love our nation, love God and Country and only wish to accomplish living the American Dream just like us.
I have a 53 year old friend Chester (Chet) who was never officially diagnosed as DD before his 21st birthday yet he's without question what most Cognitive Professionals would define as a semi high Functioning DD. His Polish Immigrant folks were too proud to seek help when it was more than obvious he was DD. Chet attained a 8th grade education by age 20, got a job as a custodian, bought a double-wide on a small lot, fell in love, supported and raised his girlfriends kids and has never asked for a dime or a leg up in his life. Hes flat refused help in his darkest days (plant closure) and stands proudly today on his own two feet as the best damn dishwasher in the Turning Stone Casino, after 14 years there - he's excited that he's one of the highest paid Dishwashers in the place ($10.80 per hour).
Chet Loves his family and his country, works harder and faster than 2 "normal people" and is always a much better friend to other people than they have ever been to him.
Do everyone a favor and try not to judge those you dont know harshly without cause to do so. DD people have no reason to start life happy but most smile more than you and I, so who's "Normal"?