In your criteria from the OP; "Want personal defense/home/ccw."
I do not see range gun/plinker anywhere.
Your nightstand gun should be used to get you to your shotgun. If you don't have a shotgun, be sure you're confident with the gun you have.
I own two of the guns you mentioned:
I'd trust my life to both but prefer to shoot the magnum.
The reason I mention that is because of your other statement, "I just dont want to wind up with 5 guns..."
which answers why most of us have 5 guns. (or more........many more)
There isn't a "perfect gun", and the one with the least compromises to meet my requirements probably won't even show up on your radar.
Don't spend a lot of time looking for that "perfect gun" because you'll go unarmed for a long time. Throw in the force multiplier of your wife sharing the criteria and you may never get a gun.
on what you want to accomplish and base your choice on that. If you do you will be happy until you find the world of handgun ownership is multi-faceted and you'll be off on the search for your next gun.
Trust me on this one!