Given your size, I don't think you would have trouble with the recoil from a .357. I'm not trying to steer you away from autos. I just want to see you make your decision based on accurate information.
Depending on prices in your area, you might be able to pull off having a Sig and a .22 pistol as well. Since you mentioned your ammo budget, this might free you up to think about other calibers for your main defense gun. Again, I'm not trying to steer you away from something. It's just something more to think about.
When it comes to sights, you might look into what after-market sights are available for whatever gun you decide you like. To me, sights are kind of like a car stereo. I don't buy a car based on the stereo that's in it when I can get the car I want and then go have the stereo I want put in it.
When it comes to a light rail, it never hurts to have one — you don't have to put anything on it.
The main advantage to a light on a gun is that whenever you shine a light on something suspicious, you already have a gun pointed at it. The main disadvantage is that when it was your wife (or child, etc.) making the suspicious noise, you are pointing a loaded gun at her. Your own circumstances will determine what's best for you. Also remember that if you're going to carry the gun, you'll either have to take the light off or get a holster that will accommodate it, which will limit the selection of holsters available to you.
If you will be using a light, either handheld or mounted on the pistol, that could reduce the effectiveness of night sights. So you might not want to spend money on both night sights and a good light.
As you can see, some of the features available to you become interwoven. One choice affects another.
As an example, I'm going to detail the setup I chose. This isn't to get you or anyone else to do anything my way, it's just an insight into one thought process. Your own circumstances will dictate your choices.
I have a Glock 30 (compact .45) for both carry and home defense. I chose that pistol because I shoot it well and the size works well for me. I have a SureFire handheld flashlight. Since I have a wife, small child, dog and two cats, I prefer to direct the light separately from the gun. I like to hold the light to one side of my body so that it doesn't completely give away my position. I do some of my practice shooting with one hand because of this (and because when I walk the dog, there's a leash in my left hand). The rooms in my house aren't very big, and there are no long hallways, so any shot I take will be pretty short. I didn't buy night sights because I plan to use the light, and since the light comes from the side, I can see my regular sights.
Again, the above was just my solution to my living conditions. I just wanted to illustrate how various features mesh together so you can make a more informed decision for yourself.
"An armed society is a polite society." — Robert A. Heinlein
"After a shooting spree, they always want to take the guns away from the people who didn't do it. I sure as hell wouldn't want to live in a society where the only people allowed guns are the police and the military."
— William S. Burroughs