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sarge_257 12-21-2011 11:53 PM

Sarge is kidnapped by 21 women with guns
 
I am not sure If I have posted this story before but here it goes.
Those friends that have been reading my stories for years now, know that Sarge is a volunteer Teacher for the Colorado Division of Wildlife. He teaches the Hunter Education program. So our story begins down at the DOW Denver Headquarters:
Sarge opened the door to the Hunter Education building at 0630 this morning and then he unloaded 40 or 50 guns and a half a ton of equipment, visual aids, books, manuals and test booklets from his truck. From then on he was busy teaching and training 130 students. And now the class is over and Sarge has just finished cleaning all the guns, visual aids, etc and loaded them back in the truck. He has cleaned up the class room, vacuumed the carpet, put the targets all back and is now in the process of logging off in the computer that runs the range.
"What a day!" he thinks. Every student graduated and the lowest score was 85 % Although very happy about this success, Sarge is none the less, very tired and very hungry. He was too busy to grab lunch and the students had so many questions that he didn't have a break all day. And now his stomache is protesting.
"What is that?" Sarge thinks. "I smell food," he says to himself. "Naaa, I must be so hungry I am halucinating" he decides.
No, that is food Sarge smells. And he follows his nose out of the range and into one of the class rooms. There he discovers several ladies carrying platters of food, casarole dishes and slow cookers from which delicious aroma's are issuing. They began to set up tables and lay out the food dishes.
"Ahemm, Ma'am, how would a hungry man get some of this food?" asks Sarge politely.
The lady in charge looks Sarge up and down, noting his vest covered with NRA certification patches and medals from shooting sports.
"Are you a certified Range Safety Officer?" she asks.
"Yes Ma'am," replies Sarge pointing to the patch with the big RSO on it.
"Good!" she says, "Then you can work for your dinner. Sit down and I will bring you some food." she commands.
A half hour later and Sarge is finishing up his second plate of delicious lasangna. And some of the lovely ladies are standing by with pies and cakes and brownies for him to sample.
"Ohhhh," groans Sarge. "How could I get into your eating club?" asks Sarge.
"It isn't a eating club, it is a womans shooting club and you don't qualify, Ha ha" she joked but then turned real serious. "Our range officer couldn't make it tonight so now you work for you chow. Let's go! the girls are ready to shoot." she stated
Helping Sarge up from the table she steered him to the indoor Range and sure enough there were 21 women all carrying guns and boxes of ammo.
Sarge was very impressed with this 'women only' club. They were really serious, and at the same time were having fun.
And the women were from all walks of life, all ages. Sarge observed girls of 12 to 16 yrs of age shooting along side their mothers, and two grandmothers in their 70's shooting a .38 revolver and having a ball. All in all the club had fun, and learned how to avoid being a victim and how to defend themselves. One other thing Sarge observed.The clock.
It said 9:30 and Lt. Linda had been expecting Sarge home no later than 7:pm.
"Oh No!" Sarge thinks, "I better call her right now."
There is a phone in the Range Control booth so Sarge grabs it and dials home. And it goes like this.
"Hi Honey!" says Sarge
"Where are you? Did that old truck break down, do you need me to come and pick you up, I have been worried to death, Sarge!" says Lt. Linda.
"Ahhhh no the truck is fine, actually I have been kidnapped by a bunch of armed women. And they are holding me hostage." reports Sarge.
Silence.......
Long Silence.......
"You have been WHAT!" yells Lt.Linda.
"Linda, you don't believe me. Ohhh that you should not believe your wonderful husband, your protector and lover, your life mate, yourrr...."
"Cut the BS Sargeant where are you." demands Lt. Linda.
"I am at the DOW range with 21 women. They will not let me go until I work off what they paid me for." Sarge says truthfully.
Silence again.......
"I can tell by your silence you do not believe me, dear." says Sarge, "So listen."
Sarge opens the contol room booth door and holds the phone outside. The BANG BANG, BOOM of guns can be clearly heard by Lt.Linda.
"Linda, Linda, I got to go they see me in here on the phone, DON'T PAY THE RANSOM Honey, I will try to get free!" And with that Sarge hangs up the phone.
Two hours later Sarges truck finally pulls into the drive way. After unloading all the guns, etc, Sarge peeks into the bedroom to see if Lt.Linda is asleep.
NOPE! she is sitting up in bed reading.
"Hi Honey, I got away!" Sarge rejoices.
"Come here!" Lt. Linda commands.
Sarge slowly shuffles his way to the bed.
"Bend down." she says.
Sarge hesitantly bends down to Linda.
"Snifffffff," she smells Sarges shirt front.
"OK all I smell is gun powder and Hoppes #9, you can come to bed." she states with a smile.
"Good night dear," Sarge says.
Sarge the Range Safety Officer

jimbobpissypants 12-22-2011 12:45 AM

I was really hoping for pictures!:D

HOSSFLY 12-22-2011 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbobpissypants (Post 657287)
I was really hoping for pictures!:D

I waz hopping it was in the wrong section by mistake :confused:

spittinfire 12-22-2011 01:06 AM

saved by hoppes....that's awesome.

TimKS 12-22-2011 01:56 AM

Too much to read right now.......give it to me in 15 words of less........ ;)

PowerViolence 12-22-2011 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TimKS (Post 657344)
Too much to read right now.......give it to me in 15 words of less........ ;)

Man works at a range. Man gets held up at work by 21 women he is training. Man gets home late. Mans wife angry. Mans wife notices the smell of gun powder and oil. Man lives another day.

big shrek 12-22-2011 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarge_257 (Post 657248)
"OK all I smell is gun powder and Hoppes #9, you can come to bed." she states with a smile.

Sarge the Range Safety Officer

A few years ago my wifey has learned that if she wears a dab of Hoppes #9 and gunpowder, she's gonna have a busy night ;)
Best aphrodesiac ever!!

sarge_257 12-22-2011 07:00 PM

pictures?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbobpissypants (Post 657287)
I was really hoping for pictures!:D

It is the job of a Range Safety Officer to keep his eyes on the women...uhhh, shooters at all times to make sure the inexperienced shooters do not do something unsafe. While I did consider getting some pictures of the more delightful ladies, I was reluctant to flash a camera while they were holding a gun. Not to mention that Lt. Linda has full control of my camera and would in all likely deleat the best pictures. So sorry..........

Sarge

sarge_257 12-22-2011 07:06 PM

Mistake?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by HOSSFLY (Post 657293)
I waz hopping it was in the wrong section by mistake :confused:

I put it in the pistol section cause it was about a women's pistol club.
The lady that started the club is a dandy. She takes charge and you just better get out of her way. Of course she also packs a CCI gun too. Quite a gal.
Sarge

unclebear 12-22-2011 07:47 PM

This story makes me want to grab a pie and my 12 gauge and head to the range... to bad it's raining oh well theres still pie!


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