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sarge_257 11-09-2010 04:16 AM

Cow # 961
The other day I joined a small local Gun Club. They leased an acreage from a local farmer. Good natural back stops and close to a country road.
The only drawback was the farmer reserved the right to include the range acres as part of his pasture.
I arrived that afternoon, used my new key at the gate and drove to the bench rests and firing line.
Had the range all to myself, except for about 30 small cows. I popped open the White Elephant (my 74 Ford van) door and jumped out. SPLAT. The odor of cow manure rose up to my nostrils. "Well hell" I must have lost all my farm boy habits, like, look before you step, and when in cow town wear boots or old shoes.
OK I was here to shoot so back to the shooting fun. I carry my gear to the bench rest. Soon the cow herd is alert and watching my movements. One cow starts forward his nose reaching out, searching for a clue as to what this strange creature is. He has a tag in his ear that says #961.
"Hello Number 961," I say. "How are you today?" As I go about my business, setting up my shooting gear, #961 follows me from truck to bench, bench to truck. Friendly little fellow, I continue my conversation with him. Finally his reaction to me has reached the other cows and I have 20 or 30 cows following me from truck to bench. "Man it is getting crowded in here. HEY #961, Don't you have some grass to eat or something?"
No answer.
I put the targets up on the backboard. Then wade through cows and their messes to the firing line. My shoes are ruined, I bet no one will let me into their fast food store and I will starve. "Come on cows, move out of my way!" Haven't you ever seen a target shooter before?" A quick look behind me reveals two cows nibbling at my targets. "RIP!" They tear them down.
"Ahhhhh, for crying out loud, you dumb pile of steaks. If you want to help wait till I finish shooting and then fetch the target." Put up more targets. Shoo cows away. Run to firing line. Grab 45 Colt Auto. Area between me and target is full of cows again. "GET AWAY FROM MY TARGETS! YOU STUPID COWS!" Finally they answer me. Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo etc up to 30 Moo's. I have no idea what they are talking about. And I have lost my patience with these smelly beasts. I slap a fully loaded magazine into the 45 and raise it over my head and shout. "THIS IS IT COWS, AT THE COUNT OF THREE I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU SORRY!" This is ridicules, here I am, a rational human being talking to a bunch of dumb cows. Aiming at the hill behind the targets, I let loose a full clip or 230 gr. hard ball. BANG BANG RAT A TAT TAT, BOOM BOOM. Man! there are cows going every where. Jumping benches, going through target frames and bearing down on me!!! STAMPEDE!!! I run for the truck, leap into the side door, and when my cow manure covered shoe hits the rubber mat "SLIPP" "THUD!" I am now sitting in it. "I HATE COWS, I HATE COWS, I HATE COWS!!" I am going to buy a big Mac and shoot it.!!!
So much for my shooting session.
The end.
Sarge the weary warrior

dunerunner 11-09-2010 04:25 AM

did you ever get the drivers seat of the truck clean?:D

Would make a great T-shirt "COW #961"!!

OldManMontgomery 11-10-2010 01:41 AM

What We Have Here...
... is a failure to camoonicate.

sarge_257 11-10-2010 03:15 AM

camoonicate Oh for crying out loud, You are cracking me up. I have never got a pun from a cow. LOL LOL LOL LOL

Neophyte1 11-10-2010 08:57 AM

Life Story
Sir; another visual fun story:)

big shrek 11-11-2010 10:02 PM

Would this qualify as a SHTF situation?? :D

amoroque 11-11-2010 10:13 PM

That is hilarious!

Thanks for sharing!

WDB 11-12-2010 02:39 AM

Sarge 0

At least how I scored it. thanks for the laugh!

sarge_257 11-12-2010 03:07 AM

Cow 961
A friend of mine sent me a Burger King wrapper and on the back side was a very prominent 961. He said I was finally redeemed. I laughed till my sides ached.

mach1337 11-12-2010 03:20 AM

you sir remind me of my grand father with some of the stories he had. if i am ever in colorado i may just have to look you up(maybe even have to buy a gun from you since you have your ffl)

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