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You DON'T want to hear.....


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Old 07-21-2013, 05:13 PM   #51
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On a first date...."You know I'm a dude, right?"
Was that before, or after you did the deed?
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Old 07-21-2013, 05:25 PM   #52
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What you don't want to hear? Silence coming from your toddler who normally doesn't shut up.
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Old 07-21-2013, 05:29 PM   #53
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Originally Posted by Axxe55 View Post
the doctor tells you are as healthy as a horse. the one headed to the glue factory!
Still better than the one leaving the glue factory.

(Military) Your boss comes in and says:
"I have an opportunity for you to excel."
Your Load Crew Member inspecting the newly arrived trailer of bombs for safe:
"Wow, I've never seen the 'A' on a red background before..."
New fighter pilot to Weapons Crew Chief after landing:
"Say chief, I almost forgot, the gun system seemed to work ok, but..."
Anyone at any time:
"Stop what your doing, the commander needs to talk to you...asap."
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:05 PM   #54
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What you don't want to hear? Silence coming from your toddler who normally doesn't shut up.
Yup, voided the drivetrain warranty on that one...
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:05 PM   #55
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I'm surprised this one hasn't bee posted yet; the classic redneck "hold my beer and watch this". You don't know which to do first, call 911 or go for the first aid kit.
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:12 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by txpossum
I'm surprised this one hasn't bee posted yet; the classic redneck "hold my beer and watch this". You don't know which to do first, call 911 or go for the first aid kit.
That was the first post. You just missed it.
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:12 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by buckhuntr View Post
My saying "Oh SH!T", followed by my name being screamed.

Wife's oldest son called her at work after school one day "We have a bit of a situation here".
In Jamaica they said, "We don't have problems, we have situations."

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Your son informing you that his sister won't share her "pez" while holding up a little flat semi round case
I don't get it.

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Originally Posted by txpossum View Post
I'm surprised this one hasn't bee posted yet; the classic redneck "hold my beer and watch this". You don't know which to do first, call 911 or go for the first aid kit.
You watch first. Then you know whether you need the first aid kit or 911.
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:16 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
In Jamaica they said, "We don't have problems, we have situations."

I don't get it.
I took it to mean Birth Control Pills.

You watch first. Then you know whether you need the first aid kit or 911.
You may also wish to look around to see if there is a fire extinguisher within an easy sprint.
............
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:27 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by txpossum View Post
I'm surprised this one hasn't bee posted yet; the classic redneck "hold my beer and watch this". You don't know which to do first, call 911 or go for the first aid kit.
I'm more inclined to hit the deck first!
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:36 PM   #60
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The pilot of a small plane you are flying in asking "Have you ever used a parachute before?"

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