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"You actually believed me?"

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Old 08-11-2009, 03:11 PM   #11
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I was on a road trip with the GF a few years ago and stayed over in an area that had a lot of cattle farms. Bad smell. So the next morning I bought a cherry scented air freshener and put it in the car under the dash where the air duct is. Later that morning she comments on the cherry smell, I told her there must be a cherry orchard nearby. She agreed that must be it. Later in the day we had driven out of the farming area and were up in the forest. Again she gets a whiff of the cherry and makes a comment. I told her it must be the cherry wood pine trees we were driving through. She said she had never heard of cherry wood pines. I pointed at a tree near the side of the road and said, “That’s one right there” That afternoon as we were driving by a lake she again says she smells cherry. I said it must be something they put in the water. Either that or it’s from the air freshener I bought this morning.

It took several days for the bruise where she punched me to fade away.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:23 PM   #12
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When I was in college I knew a girl who was from DC I think. Anyway, someone brought up cow tipping. She knew I was from the country and later asked me about it. I told her you NEVER want to go cow tipping. It hurts the cow!! That's right...when they fall over it can break bones and sometime result in the cow being put down. She was amazed that people would do such a thing. I told her it doesn't often happen but it can. It was clear to me that she didn't know cows sleep laying down.
I never told her any different so as far as I know she still thinks you can hurt a cow by tipping it.
If the pain is lacking so is the discipline...

"the only 911 call I need is chambering a round" - Mr. Muller, MO car dealer
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:12 PM   #13
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In the mid-80s I was with some people in Chicago for a trade show. One night four of us decided to take in a Black Hawks game. One of the guys had never been to a hockey game. After we entered the arena we went straight to a refreshment stand to get beer and brats. While waiting in line I explained the new arena policy to him: "Black Hawks management has decided to limit sales of alcoholic beverages during the game; you can only buy them at the refreshment stands before the game and between 1st and 2d periods...too many near-riots caused by drunken fans. Better take in what you think you'll need for 1st period." The other two guys immediately joined in with the same advice. "And when you get 'em, just pass one to each of us to carry in for you so the guy at the stand won't hassle you." He did as instructed and we carried them in for him with almost straight faces. He was only mildly ticked when the beer hawkers hit the stands right after the period started and he saw each us enjoying one of "his" beers. And each of us bought him a beer during the game so it all worked out.
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Old 08-11-2009, 08:58 PM   #14
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Well. long time back, was working as LEO assigned to security for governor of VA. Was taking young lady from the Gov's office out to the State Fair for an official event. We were waiting at the stoplight at the monument to Gen. A.P. Hill. Young lady looked at the statue, read the name on it out loud- A P Hill, and she asked "who was that?"

With a straight face, replied that I was surprised that she did not know- he was a very famous man in Virginia history. When Virginia was first settled, Jamestown and surrounding areas were low, swampy areas, lot of mosquitoes, Yellow Fever, lot of disease, VERY unhealthy- but that gentleman discovered the first high ground in Virginia. And in honor of him all the high ground in Virginia was named after him.

Took four blocks before it sunk in........

And there was the time we took our 10 yr old neighbor along to collect Running Cedar for Christmas decorations, and made sure he had his sneakers on so he could help us catch it.........
What we have here is... failure- to communicate.

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Old 08-11-2009, 09:26 PM   #15
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Picture this... My Step-Mother out in the bushes with a flashlight and a pillowcase "Snipe-Hunting"... Still laugh to this day...
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Old 08-11-2009, 10:56 PM   #16
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Snipe hunting (snipe is a real bird, btw) and cow tipping are a couple of the classics.
From C3Shooter:
Skullcrusher, you are evil, sick, demented, twisted- and my hero!

Originally Posted by pandamonium View Post
...without the Second, we cannot protect the rest!
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Old 08-13-2009, 01:33 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Troy Michalik View Post
They would put the handset on their TTY and have a conversation just like they do at home.
Wow you sucked the fun right out of that
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not." ~ Thomas Jefferson

Originally Posted by Benning Boy View Post
If you're really bored, I'm your huckleberry. If you really want a challenge, I'm the one.

If you're really smart, you'll just peddle your paint.
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Old 08-14-2009, 01:54 AM   #18
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One guy told me a story of a girl he was driving around that was from out of state. She decided to visit here in Texas at the same time we were having the annual Trail Ride, where people ride horses and wagons over 100 miles and in through Houston. So they designate a lane on one of our main drags for the trail riders. She says "why is this lane closed to everyone except these horses?" and my friend told her "that's the horse lane, everyone rides a horse in Texas." So she went back home to wherever she was from and told everyone that Houston has a designated horse lane. Also, me and two other guys drove the work van to McDonald's for lunch. In one of the parking spaces there was a big solid red square painted in the middle of it, kind of like the big handicap symbol. He asked me "what does this red square mean, am I allowed to park here?" I told him the red square meant that particular space was reserved for menstruating women. He looked at me and said "what the hell?" and started to back out of the space. I told him I was kidding immediately as I did not want to lose our parking spot. And a long time ago my buddy was at the bayou and he told this dumb guy we knew that if he rode his bicycle really fast down the side of the bayou that he would skim across to the other side. No, he did not make it across, haha.
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Old 08-14-2009, 02:12 AM   #19
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On a drive through the California wine country many years ago, there were signs for roadside stands selling beef jerky, raisins, fruit, etc. all along the way.

My starter wife casually asked me as we drove past one vineyard if those were "raisin bushes" along the side of the road, to which I replied "Yes". Several years later I discovered that she was serious.

On another trip, the same wife asked me if we could stop and hunt some Jackelopes while driving through Wyoming once, too. I guess I was pretty convincing when explaining to her that the Jackelopes hanging on the wall in a gun store were real. She was devastated when I told her I had been joking about them. She had been looking forward to seeing them "running all over Wyoming".
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