I couldnt get the first one, the second is f**king hilarious!
"ever man out here has a timer, no one know how long it will take but no one last forever"
"cake or death! I'll have the cake then... SORRY WHERE OUT OF CAKE!... so it's or death? I'll have the chicken then please." Eddy Izzard
"so a suppose your going to kill me now? no he is I'm just here to watch"
"you know why guns are better then a woman?... you can put a silencer on a gun."