We are moving to Mexico
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:02 PM   #1
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Default We are moving to Mexico

Dear Mr. President, Senate and House of Representatives:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family (18-20 mouths)
into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.

We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S.
into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,
immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things
the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on
my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
need, whether I use them or not.

3. All Mexico government forms need to also be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking
(bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at
their school.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access
to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to
purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to
learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from
their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car
has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put U.S. flag decals
on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any
complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or
have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely
nice and never say a critical things about me or my family, or about the
strain we might place on their economy.

14. Please start putting up billboards in English that advertise for government jobs.

15. Be sure to add a "press 1 for English" option on all of their phone services.

16. If the occasion arises that I ever get caught doing anything illegal, I cannot be deported even though I'm not a citizen.



I know these would be an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.


Thank you so much for your kind help.


Sincerely,

Jack Schitt

US Citizen & Taxpayer

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Last edited by IGETEVEN; 08-18-2009 at 05:08 PM. Reason: Addition to list
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:09 PM   #2
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Funny and sad at the same friggin' time EVEN!!

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Old 08-18-2009, 03:20 PM   #3
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I didn't know you're last name was Schitt.

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Old 08-18-2009, 03:30 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spittinfire View Post
I didn't know you're last name was Schitt.
Ahhhhh......yes, it is a family traditional name. I will cover my family's namesake and family tree in another thread, it is quite extensive.

Jack
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:38 PM   #5
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so if I called you Schitt head, it wouldn't be offensive?

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Old 08-18-2009, 03:47 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spittinfire View Post
so if I called you Schitt head, it wouldn't be offensive?
"Mr. Schitt head" to your sir, you are younger than I and you do respect your elders and veterans, from what I have seen in your posts.

Now....You do know the saying, "When schitt hits the fan" you need to step back, because that's me!!

Jack
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:47 PM   #7
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Oh boy.....free beans.....can I go too??? Do I have to change my last name from GetWood to Schitt or what???

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Old 08-18-2009, 04:08 PM   #8
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That's good stuff.

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Old 08-18-2009, 04:51 PM   #9
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Well, friggin' ole!
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Old 08-18-2009, 05:00 PM   #10
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Add to that if I ever get caught doing anything illegal I cannot be deported even though I'm not a citizen.

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