Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com > General Discussion Forums > The Club House > Through the eyes of a child:

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-29-2009, 10:34 AM   #1
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 4,900
Liked 2056 Times on 827 Posts
Likes Given: 2706

Default Through the eyes of a child:

Posted by Kelly J on Gunvoter.org

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing
but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God
is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they
weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden.

Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have
cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was
Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah,
who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but
one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put
his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join
him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous
than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in
exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a
really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton
Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the
evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These
plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.


God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave
them His Top Ten Commandments.

These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy
mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to
use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell
over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and
500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound
very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.

One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then
barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets,
but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of
The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been
born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the
door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter
of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the
Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named
a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to
some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before
Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed
his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.

He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.
His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.



You must share this delightful story!



__________________
opaww is offline  
 
Reply With Quote

Join FirearmsTalk.com Today - It's Free!

Are you a firearms enthusiast? Then we hope you will join the community. You will gain access to post, create threads, private message, upload images, join groups and more.

Firearms Talk is owned and operated by fellow firearms enthusiasts. We strive to offer a non-commercial community to learn and share information.

Join FirearmsTalk.com Today! - Click Here


Old 07-29-2009, 01:42 PM   #2
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
spittinfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Maiden,NC
Posts: 9,663
Liked 83 Times on 54 Posts
Likes Given: 5

Default

LOL!! Thats funny!



__________________

If the pain is lacking so is the discipline...

"the only 911 call I need is chambering a round" - Mr. Muller, MO car dealer

spittinfire is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 01:47 PM   #3
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Jo da Plumbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 4,754
Liked 10 Times on 8 Posts

Default

Very Cute
__________________
Jo da Plumbr is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 02:56 PM   #4
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
CA357's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 19,871
Liked 1174 Times on 510 Posts
Likes Given: 2978

Default

Out of the mouths of babes.

__________________
“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”Samuel Adams
CA357 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
Gun-maker Taurus eyes Georgia HQ opaww The Club House 0 07-17-2009 11:31 PM
GM bankruptcy plan eyes quick sale to government! Bigcountry02 Politics, Religion and Controversy 1 05-20-2009 03:02 PM
U.N. Child Treaty cpttango30 Politics, Religion and Controversy 1 05-01-2009 10:14 AM
Child Sex Offender Righteous The Club House 19 05-09-2008 12:56 PM