Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe
filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself
when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair.
No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my
butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance
on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally
threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.
**I should take note that I am worried about Judge #
3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth,
pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've
lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it
is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My
pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least
during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful.
Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I
need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice
blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to
declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced
chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most
of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out,
fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of
himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor
feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot
Judge # 3 - I want my Mama
"A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the ball, and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be your constant companion of your walks." Thomas Jefferson
There are three or four versions of this story and I still laugh like an idiot everytime I read them. It's just plain brilliant writing that truly does stand the test of time.
The first time I read the uncensored version where Judge #3 refers to having to "wipe his ass with a snow cone", I laughed so hard I think I peed a little.
I, also, read the uncensored version. I find it very funny, especially since I can't tolerate any hot foods. My two sons could eat fire on a stick and I sent the uncensored copy to them a while ago. My oldest son replied back "Judge #3 sounds like a wussy crybaby". ROFL!!
__________________ Honor Student: School of Hard Knocks To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. Quando Omni Flunkus Moritatus
Down in Houma, La. The Krewe o Mardigras held thier annual chili cookoff to help defray the cost for the float and parade expenses. The pot of chili that didn't win and no one knows who made it and put the judges in a speechless situation. Seems the chili was so hot they couldn't speak and only fan thier mouths. Once EMT's gave them gator aid and icecream they finished the taste test..... Next year there will be a booby prize for the least liked chili.........