Things I Learned From Movies And TV Over The Years.....
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Old 06-27-2010, 03:27 PM   #1
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Default Things I Learned From Movies And TV Over The Years.....

* All cars blow up in a big fireball when they wreck.

* You should ALWAYS hold a pistol sideways in your hand.

* If you are diving or doing somersaults, you can't be shot.

* Good guys always get wounded in the left shoulder or the leg.

* Whores have hearts of gold.

* A six-shot revolver can fire nine times without reloading.

* Every Vietnam veteran has a footlocker stored somewhere with grenades, dynamite and some kind of exotic high-powered rifle in there.

* Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people...whether they are employed or not.

* At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

* Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

* Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

* If you are blond and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

* Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

* All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

* All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

* It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

* Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

* You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

* If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

* If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

* Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

* Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off and beep loudly if they are hidden.

* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

* Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

* When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

And a few of my own:

* You can get ANYWHERE in NYC in 10 minutes or less.

* There is ALWAYS a parking space in front of the building/business you're going to, no matter how much traffic there is.

* There are NO ugly Vampire chicks.

* Commandos eat Green Berets for breakfast.

* Every surplus store has a special/secret room in the back that has rocket launchers, radio controlled claymore mines, and crew served weapons that can be carried by a 110 lb women.

* You can blow up a speeding car with a single 9mm round.

* All snipers can make a head shot at a moving target, from '200 feet away or greater, with only one round.


Jack

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Old 06-27-2010, 04:16 PM   #2
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Lead bullets strike sparks from cars.

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Old 06-27-2010, 04:36 PM   #3
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No shotguns are ever carried with one in the chamber........they must be racked followig somthing whitty

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Old 06-27-2010, 04:42 PM   #4
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All automatic weapons have huge muzzle flash even in broad daylight.

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Old 06-27-2010, 04:55 PM   #5
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If your are Superman, bullets won't hurt you, but you better duck when they throw the emptied gun at you.

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Old 06-27-2010, 05:12 PM   #6
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*Bad guys are bad shots. Even with a fully auto rifle, they always shoot right behind a running hero.

*Full auto guns don't have any muzzle rise when fired even when fired one handed.

*Double fisting makes everyone a better shot.

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...without the Second, we cannot protect the rest!
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Old 06-27-2010, 05:14 PM   #7
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*Animals such as deer and wild boar die just by jumping on them from above.

*When sitting by a roaring fire, the slightest sound of a teeny twig snapping is audible from a long ways off.

*When inside a house or building at night with the lights on, shadows are cast into the house from outside.

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...without the Second, we cannot protect the rest!

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Old 06-27-2010, 05:24 PM   #8
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*No matter how well built a police car is, the officers driving them can't avoid wrecking into each other or making the jump the jalopy they are chasing just made.

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Old 06-27-2010, 05:25 PM   #9
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If you know martial arts you can easily take away the bad guys gun that's pointed at the back of your head

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Old 06-28-2010, 02:37 AM   #10
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No reloading necessary - all guns have everlasting mags.

You can avoid being shot by ducking after the other guy fires.

You can survive running across a room being sprayed with copious amounts of full-auto fire.

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