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Old 12-21-2009, 02:42 AM   #1
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In a survey conducted earlier this week, 1,000 blondes were
asked if they would sleep with Tiger Woods.

89 per cent said, "Never again!"

“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”Samuel Adams
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Old 12-21-2009, 02:52 AM   #2
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Got a good chuckle outta that one CA, Thanks!!
People get the government they deserve.
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Old 12-21-2009, 03:44 AM   #3
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Tiger Woods was diagnosed with " Restless Third Leg Syndrome ".

Why did so many girls want to sleep with him? Answer : They'd seen his amazingly long 'putz'.

Most successful pick-up line ever : " Let me preface my remarks by saying that I am Tiger Woods, so lets go somewhere and do it. "

Think his wife's mad ? What about the boyfriends all those girls were probably cheating on ?

For a guy who cherishes his privacy, he sure let a lot of girls see him naked.

He may quit golf for baseball. He knows how to play the field.

Of course he'll continue with golf. He doesn't look ready for NASCAR.

His next coach is going to be John Wayne Bobbitt, who can help him avoid a bad slice.

Be careful buying golf clubs on ebay. Some of them have bent shafts.

So many women. At least now his wife knows why he needed a car that sat so many people.

He's required to attend PGA meetings : "***** Getters Anonymous".

Tiger is changing his name to " Cheetah".

He took time off from golf to focus on other things. If your girlfriend is a waitress, keep an eye on her.

His wife got hold of his golf club. When he drove away, he was just trying to save his balls.

When your wife is a murderous blonde, there is no such thing as safe sex.

He lost endorsements. After all, companies that use subliminal sexual messages like " Just do it" in their ads have to protect their outwardly clean image !

Ironic that the woman who will probably end up with the least money is named 'Grubbs'...

Why do they call him Tiger " Woods" ? Because his wife broke all the irons bashing the Escalade.

He never told his wife that they call it a Cadillac " Let's Get Laid ".

A woman simply walked into the offices of the National Enquirer and offered to sell the story of her affair with Tiger for $50,000. They told her to take a number.

So, didn't he do the same thing Bill Clinton did with Monica Lewinsky ? Close but no cigar !

Can't help it. These jokes write themselves....

Last edited by Rentacop; 12-21-2009 at 03:53 AM.
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Old 12-21-2009, 03:54 AM   #4
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Hard to believe you actually took the time for all the keystrokes it took to transcribe that.
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Old 12-21-2009, 04:41 AM   #5
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It was not Tiger's fault. Guys like him have beautiful women trying to jump into bed with them. If you don't believe me, do what Tiger did---give a madam $15,000--- and see what happens.

Back when he was starting out as a pro golfer, Tiger was down several strokes against a tough competitor. He asked his caddy what he should do to win.
The caddy suggested that Tiger cheat. He misunderstood and the rest is history.

Pro sports are going to drop the drug tests and start testing instead for STDs.

The divorce settlement is as follows :
Elin gets a piece of every investment Tiger owns and tiger gets a piece of every waitress he can nail from here on out.
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