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tomgodd 02-14-2010 02:31 PM

Suicide???
 
My ex-wife's brother decided to make a selfish decision. He was feeling sick depression etc and he decided to take his own life a few weeks ago. I have six year old son that was unaware of what happened. My ex-wife talked to a consouler that said to tell my six year old son that his uncle took his own life and she did tell him. Me and her discussed another way to to tell him. It was abit of a fib, tell him his uncle was sick and he died from that sickness. Plain and simple depression is a sickness and it can result in death. Well I did not want my son to even think you could take your own life. Am I wrong? This is the first place I thought of asking ??? because of all the great threads and responses I see. She did tell him and now he is talking alittle crazy. My son is now saying odd things when he get angry like I am a bad kid and sick of my life. Who is to blame. I am very upset! Should I punch the therapist in the face?

lonyaeger 02-14-2010 02:44 PM

First of all, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing for you and your family to be going through.

That being said....I think your question would be better answered somewhere else. You have fifty posts in eight months. Are you active in another forum that's better suited to this type of question?

Just curious....why did you post this in "Legal & Politics?" While the supporting members are happy to give their opinions in the legal and political areas, that's all they are....opinions.

Good luck! :)

dunerunner 02-14-2010 02:58 PM

On the flip side, my brother-in-law was always told that his Grandfather died of Prostate Cancer. He, therefore; has religiously seen his doctor and had the routine digital check done every 6 months since he was twenty.

On his 50th birthday, he was driving his Dad to a relatives home when they passed the County Hospital. His Dad looked out the window and said, "That is where my Father killed himself." Shocked my brother-in-law said, "I thought you told me all these years he died of Prostate Cancer!" His Dad replied, "Yea, we didn't want to upset you. He threw himself from the second story window."

"Upset!", my brother-in-law told him; "I've been getting a finger wave every 6 months for 30 years because of that! That upsets me!!" They both laugh about it now.

Depression is a tragic illness and I doubt a 6 year old could understand what could be so terrible that a person would want to end their life. I guess if there was the possibility your son would have found out by some slip of the tongue, it is probably good he was told. Reinforce how precious life is and that what make humans special is their ability to rise above the problems in their lives and overcome them.

tomgodd 02-14-2010 03:01 PM

Sorry Lonyaeger! Most of the people here appear to think before they talk and understand situation, I read alot of posts here and love this part of the forums. The opinions here are usually good. Most of the people in the L&P section seem to have a good way of explaining things and good heads on thier shoulders. I am active on an ATV forum. I posted it here because this gets alot of traffic and I see so many opinions that make me relize things. I donot post much on this forum because I know little about cituations. I use advice from here and listen to others point of views. I value the opinions and advice from the members here

tomgodd 02-14-2010 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunerunner (Post 230309)
On the flip side, my brother-in-law was always told that his Grandfather died of Prostate Cancer. He, therefore; has religiously seen his doctor and had the routine digital check done every 6 months since he was twenty.

On his 50th birthday, he was driving his Dad to a relatives home when they passed the County Hospital. His Dad looked out the window and said, "That is where my Father killed himself." Shocked my brother-in-law said, "I thought you told me all these years he died of Prostate Cancer!" His Dad replied, "Yea, we didn't want to upset you. He threw himself from the second story window."

"Upset!", my brother-in-law told him; "I've been getting a finger wave every 6 months for 30 years because of that! That upsets me!!" They both laugh about it now.

Depression is a tragic illness and I doubt a 6 year old could understand what could be so terrible that a person would want to end their life. I guess if there was the possibility your son would have found out by some slip of the tongue, it is probably good he was told. Reinforce how precious life is and that what make humans special is their ability to rise above the problems in their lives and overcome them.

Thank you very much! This is exactly what I was needing to hear. I will reinforce lifes gifts.

lonyaeger 02-14-2010 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomgodd (Post 230311)
Sorry Lonyaeger! Most of the people here appear to think before they talk and understand situation, I read alot of posts here and love this part of the forums. The opinions here are usually good. Most of the people in the L&P section seem to have a good way of explaining things and good heads on thier shoulders. I am active on an ATV forum. I posted it here because this gets alot of traffic and I see so many opinions that make me relize things. I donot post much on this forum because I know little about cituations. I use advice from here and listen to others point of views. I value the opinions and advice from the members here

I sincerely hope dunerunner's words helped you with your situation.

themyst 02-14-2010 04:43 PM

Wow, it just goes to show you that just because you have a PHD title at the end of your name it doesn't necessarily make you smarter than the average bear. I think the therapist was dead wrong.

Since the damage has already been done, I'd still sit down and tell my son that well, yes, the uncle did commit suicide, but it was because he was sick and it is extremely rare for little boys to get that disease, so he doesn't need to be worrying about it.

Sorry you are going through this. I'd try to spend some extra special time with your son.

cpttango30 02-14-2010 05:15 PM

Why even tell a 6 year old that someone offed them self? That counselor needs to be not only punched in the dam face but needs to suffer a junk kick as well.

There is no reason in the world to burden a 6 year old with that kind of stuff. Your uncle is gone. That is all he needs to know until he is older and can understand what was going on and what happened.

Sorry I get a little upset of this kind of stuff. Kids that age don't see the gray area in life like we adults. They see black or white. He uncle is gone and that is all you or anyone should have told him. How hard is it to understand that?

Not be a prick but dam people need to learn how to take care of their problems without running to some idiot that went to school for a few years.

Dzscubie 02-14-2010 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cpttango30 (Post 230348)
Why even tell a 6 year old that someone offed them self? That counselor needs to be not only punched in the dam face but needs to suffer a junk kick as well.

There is no reason in the world to burden a 6 year old with that kind of stuff. Your uncle is gone. That is all he needs to know until he is older and can understand what was going on and what happened.

Sorry I get a little upset of this kind of stuff. Kids that age don't see the gray area in life like we adults. They see black or white. He uncle is gone and that is all you or anyone should have told him. How hard is it to understand that?

Not be a prick but dam people need to learn how to take care of their problems without running to some idiot that went to school for a few years.


+100 on this

28 years ago my wife was killed in a car accident, my 3 year old son was in the back seat and had a compound fracture of his left femur. It took me 7 days to get from the wilds of Alaska to England where the accident occurred. My son had been told by a “professional” that his mother was dead and gone before I could get there and was very graphic in how she died. I know this because my son told me what the “professional” said and was traumatized by it, I believe my son because a 3 year old doesn’t’ know how to lie in a situation like that. It took me years to ease the damage that knuckle head caused. My point is that a 6 year old doesn’t need details on how his Uncle died only that he is gone and can’t come back and he is in heaven.

My condolences on your loss and if you have any specific questions please feel free to PM me.

Shawn

willfully armed 02-14-2010 11:33 PM

The problem with alot of professionals is they get too caught up in the technical/mechanical mindset of thier fields and get lost in it..... becoming more like a robot than a living, feeling, emotional person.

What the counselor suggested was sick, and unethical to do to a child. My best friends mother and step-father are both psychiatrists,a nd sometimes they are too difficult to converse with, as they let logic slip away and rely too much on the text........


Your situation is ghastly and I hope you are able to spend lots of time with your boy and get him through this. A shrink who specializes in children might be a help.


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