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Stuff State Troopers Really Said

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Old 02-09-2011, 06:53 AM   #1
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Default Stuff State Troopers Really Said

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on
the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that
I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey
Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many
tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone
who can post your bail."


16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

(stolen from another forum )
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Old 02-09-2011, 11:55 AM   #2
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That's some good stuff right there
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Old 02-09-2011, 01:42 PM   #3
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Lol. Some of those are great. I can't wait to get through the academy so I can give some of those a shot.

"Breathe when you can, shoot when you should."
-Rob Leatham


"Qui desiderat pacem, bellum praeparat; nemo provocare ne offendere audet quem intelliget superiorem esse pugnaturem"
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Old 02-09-2011, 03:10 PM   #4
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That is great. Got a good laugh out of these, I love the last one.
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Old 02-09-2011, 10:24 PM   #5
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I heard one where a teenager ran past a trooper going super fast. The Trooper stopped him and said: I've been waiting for you all day" the teen said: "Sorry, I got here as fast I could" The Trooper laughed and only gave him a warning.
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Old 02-09-2011, 10:33 PM   #6
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Once back in 1981 the wife and I bought a new Monte Carlo with a V-6 in it. I was driving back from another town when it lost alot of power and it generally started running like shat. I had the gas pedal to the floor but it would only go 70 mph. Not paying attention I blew by a CHP in a 50 mph zone.

When he pulled me over he asked if I know how fast I was going and I replied as fast as this POS could go. He too chuckled a bit and only gave me a warning.
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Old 02-09-2011, 10:39 PM   #7
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I'm going to have to try those in three years when MA has a governor who doesn't hate state troopers.

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Old 02-09-2011, 11:13 PM   #8
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Funny stuff CA. My brother-in-laws partner actually used number 11 while they had a Greyhound bus stopped along the Bayshore Freeway in South San Francisco.
People get the government they deserve.
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Old 02-10-2011, 12:27 AM   #9
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I like #7.


"Obama has ordered the launching of more Tomahawk cruise missiles than All the other Nobel Peace Prize winners combined."
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Old 02-10-2011, 12:35 AM   #10
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I had a couple beers with the retired state trooper I bought my 5906 from. He said he thought I was a "riot" and thought I was joking when I said "I'm here to inquire about the gun you have for sale from the classifieds" he has a really cool old house. Reminded me of the Walton's.
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