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Benning Boy 07-22-2009 04:52 AM

Since I derailed my technically more important occult thread, I offer the shows for the Fall that need to be made.

This was one of my usual joke threads, but I'm starting to see potential. A Spike T.V. series, at least.

It's almost dusk at the Transylvanian castle when the Ghost Hunter International van pulls into the courtyard. It has been a long flight, a longer drive, and the crew knows it will be worth it for the footage they will get in this notoriously high paranormal activity area.

Oddly, they are not alone. Another van occupies the courtyard, and a surly looking crew has obviously been there for some time.

Tango: "Did you see the way that effin vampire went straight for Matt? It was like Matt had an effin pork chop tied to his neck!"

GojuBrian: "That's because Matt hasn't accepted Jesus. Vampires can tell."

Matt: "I didn't agree to come here to get preached to."

Tango: "Anywhoo, I hemmed his @$$ up with my gasoline/blackpowder/Febreeze bomb, didn't I?"

Benning: "And you managed to wash out all the video with the light flash, so we have no footage."

Tango: "Here we go again. You got yer effin panties in a wad with the effin video again. Douche."

Benning: "You guys. Les enfant terrible."

Tango: "What's that supposed to mean, little frilly panty girl?"

Ineff: "Benning was merely using a shrewdly juxtaposed series of principles he half gleaned, obviously, from the works of Machievelli, likely from his earlier works."

The crew: ".............."

J.D.: "Has anyone seen my Cold Steel Spartan?"

Benning: Whistles nervously.

orangello 07-22-2009 01:14 PM

^^^ LOL!

I would think fire would burn up the mummies. IIRC the British used some for stoking the fires of some steam-powered trains back in the colonial days.

robocop10mm 07-22-2009 01:16 PM

Too freakin' funny Benning. I guess I won't be on the show?

Benning Boy 07-22-2009 02:37 PM


Originally Posted by robocop10mm (Post 132304)
Too freakin' funny Benning. I guess I won't be on the show?

I've got bigger plans for you.

"He's big. He's bad. And this fall, Spike has him. Robo finds out that he sired 2 children that he never knew about. They fall on hard times, and have to move in with him. Madcap hilarity ensues, and Robo's only line through the whole series is "Ahem." See "Robo knows best" this fall on Spike."

Orangello: "Hey, Jiro, wanna spark one up and pass the dutchie?"

Robo: "Ahem."

Orangello: "Ahh, maybe not."

Jiro: "Yeah, Robo's right. Besides, I gotta go give that fargin icehole cop a piece of my mind for writing me that ticket."

Robo: "Ahem."

Jiro: "Or I can accept that I made a mistake and use this as a growing experience."

Robo: Nods approvingly.


Benning Boy 07-22-2009 02:44 PM

I think I've derailed my own thread, and maybe another thread is warranted.

What say ye?

Dillinger 07-22-2009 02:50 PM

LMAO - And now, taking Center Stage, it's Benning's Traveling Players...

You definitely have too much time on your hands my friend.

That was a good laugh first thing in the morning. Ahhh, I needed that....


Benning Boy 07-22-2009 03:21 PM

Skulls of Lambs.

A young ATF agent, played by Julianne Moore, is sent to interview madman Skullcrusher.

ATF Director: "I need you to go in, ask him the relevant questions, and get out. Don't tell him anything about yourself.

Julianne: "Yes sir."

Julianne knocks at Skull's door. A clean cut man answers.

Julianne: " Mr. Skullcrusher, may I ask you some questions?"

Skull: "Of course, come in. I was just making lunch. Would you join me?"

Julianne: (With trepidation) "Okay."

They sit. Skull brings two plates, a sandwich, some chips, and a parsley sprig adorns each. Julianne tucks into the sandwich, and nods approvingly.

Julianne: "So sir, you're not in any trouble, I just needed to ask about..."

Skull: "You're pale. Don't take care of yourself the way you used to. Is it because you were snubbed for that academy award? That you will always be known as "Academy Award Nominee?" (Skull strips, tucks his bits, and dances) Rub the lotion on me!"

Julianne runs for the door, opens it, pauses, looks back, and asks,"What was in the sandwich? It was really good."

Skull: "I call it a Benning."

Benning Boy 07-22-2009 03:35 PM

Matt the Exorcist

Matt is called to exorcise the demon Azazel from the body of a nubile actress.

Matt enters the room, where the girl is tied to a bed, and moaning in what seems to be multiple voices.

Demon girl: "False priest! Have you come to drive me out in the name of your weak God?"

Matt: "Nope. Don't believe in that stuff."

Demon girl: "Uhh, what??"

Matt: "Don't believe in you either."

Demon girl: "But,...I can spew odd colored vomit!"

Matt: "Ate some shrooms once. Did the same thing. Meh."

Demon girl: "I can spew profanity like ten drunken sailors!"

Matt: "So you're possesed by Tango?"

Demon. "F**k it. I'm out of here."

Dillinger 07-22-2009 03:40 PM

"Don't believe in you either" LOL Effing classic.... You forgot to mention the part about matt press checking Ineff's favorite Kimber and then putting some Zepplin on the stereo downstairs to make his entrance....


orangello 07-22-2009 04:03 PM

"dutchie"? I can only assume you meant "doobie". :)

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