Speaking English is killing us


Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com > General Discussion Forums > The Club House > Speaking English is killing us

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-09-2009, 04:07 PM   #1
cbw
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
cbw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 280
Default Speaking English is killing us

Ponder on this one

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO!!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Apparently what kills you is speaking English.



__________________

[The odds are always 50/50

cbw is offline  
 
Reply With Quote

Join FirearmsTalk.com Today - It's Free!

Are you a firearms enthusiast? Then we hope you will join the community. You will gain access to post, create threads, private message, upload images, join groups and more.

Firearms Talk is owned and operated by fellow firearms enthusiasts. We strive to offer a non-commercial community to learn and share information.

Join FirearmsTalk.com Today! - Click Here


Old 04-09-2009, 04:13 PM   #2
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: everywhere
Posts: 9,639
Liked 9 Times on 9 Posts

Default

Simply brilliant.



__________________
Benning Boy is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 06:57 PM   #3
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
CA357's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 19,871
Liked 1175 Times on 510 Posts
Likes Given: 2978

Default

Outstanding! Sanity at last...

__________________
“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”Samuel Adams
CA357 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 07:55 PM   #4
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Stafford, Virginia,The state of insanity.
Posts: 14,043
Liked 33 Times on 28 Posts

Default

La mierda santa I del OH aprende mejor español. I realmente don' necesidad de t de aprender español porque I' m un ninja de google. coma su corazón hacia fuera usted los gatitos

__________________
cpttango30 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 08:10 PM   #5
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I see you, and you will not know when I will strike
Posts: 24,301
Liked 3478 Times on 1609 Posts
Likes Given: 3590

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpttango30 View Post
La mierda santa I del OH aprende mejor español. I realmente don' necesidad de t de aprender español porque I' m un ninja de google. coma su corazón hacia fuera usted los gatitos
Du kan være en Ninja av google, men alle Far er ikke imponert med peer form maur
__________________
Dillinger is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 08:17 PM   #6
Moderator
FTF_MODERATOR.png
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
 
robocop10mm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Austin,Texas, by God!!
Posts: 10,010
Liked 2697 Times on 1409 Posts
Likes Given: 216

Default

Screw it. I'll just die of English. Better than death by Bunga Bunga.

__________________

In life, strive to take the high road....It offers a better field of fire.
"Robo is right" Fuzzball

robocop10mm is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 09:14 PM   #7
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Stafford, Virginia,The state of insanity.
Posts: 14,043
Liked 33 Times on 28 Posts

Default

О, таким образом теперь dillinger думает, что он - google ninja. Хорошо я могу найти больше материала на google тогда, любой на этом правлении может. Heck я даже знаю о google рубку места. Об и сделал Вы знаете Dillinger, что есть скрытое звено на amazon.com. Я знаю право, где это - в, но Вы не делаете neener neener neener.

__________________
cpttango30 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 09:16 PM   #8
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Stafford, Virginia,The state of insanity.
Posts: 14,043
Liked 33 Times on 28 Posts

Default

Quá nhiều người không biết đủ về internet. Shoot nhất sẽ không biết sự khác biệt giữa Intranet và Internet. Nhưng làm gì để mà làm cho Tango các ninja của google firearms nói chuyện.

__________________
cpttango30 is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-09-2009, 10:25 PM   #9
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Rogers, AR
Posts: 6,262
Liked 2 Times on 1 Posts

Default

Hilarious!!

__________________
Gojubrian is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Old 04-10-2009, 12:06 AM   #10
cbw
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
cbw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 280
Default

так братья мы все в дерьме свая вместе



__________________

[The odds are always 50/50


Last edited by cbw; 04-10-2009 at 12:13 AM.
cbw is offline  
 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
Man arrested for killing his family. skullcrusher Politics, Religion and Controversy 4 05-22-2009 05:02 AM
Press One For English crowbar Politics, Religion and Controversy 5 04-27-2009 02:48 PM
Spree Killing, but with NO GUNS ?? Dillinger The Club House 20 06-16-2008 03:13 AM
Snake Killing Shotgun? gunsgunsandmoreguns General Shotgun Discussion 13 05-27-2008 07:32 PM