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-   -   Speaking English is killing us (http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/f12/speaking-english-killing-us-12721/)

cbw 04-09-2009 04:07 PM

Speaking English is killing us
 
Ponder on this one :D

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO!!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Apparently what kills you is speaking English.

Benning Boy 04-09-2009 04:13 PM

Simply brilliant.

CA357 04-09-2009 06:57 PM

Outstanding! Sanity at last...

cpttango30 04-09-2009 07:55 PM

La mierda santa I del OH aprende mejor espaol. I realmente don' necesidad de t de aprender espaol porque I' m un ninja de google. coma su corazn hacia fuera usted los gatitos

Dillinger 04-09-2009 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cpttango30 (Post 92798)
La mierda santa I del OH aprende mejor espaol. I realmente don' necesidad de t de aprender espaol porque I' m un ninja de google. coma su corazn hacia fuera usted los gatitos

Du kan vre en Ninja av google, men alle Far er ikke imponert med peer form maur

robocop10mm 04-09-2009 08:17 PM

Screw it. I'll just die of English. Better than death by Bunga Bunga.

cpttango30 04-09-2009 09:14 PM

О, таким образом теперь dillinger думает, что он - google ninja. Хорошо я могу найти больше материала на google тогда, любой на этом правлении может. Heck я даже знаю о google рубку места. Об и сделал Вы знаете Dillinger, что есть скрытое звено на amazon.com. Я знаю право, где это - в, но Вы не делаете neener neener neener.

cpttango30 04-09-2009 09:16 PM

Qu nhiều người khng biết đủ về internet. Shoot nhất sẽ khng biết sự khc biệt giữa Intranet v Internet. Nhưng lm g để m lm cho Tango cc ninja của google firearms ni chuyện.

Gojubrian 04-09-2009 10:25 PM

Hilarious!!

cbw 04-10-2009 12:06 AM

так братья мы все в дерьме свая вместе


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