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Old 10-09-2013, 11:57 AM   #1
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Tired of paying outrageously high prices for freeze dried emergency foods? Or, maybe you haven't been duped into shelling out for the big commercial "emergency" food companies, but lay awake night, dreading that EMP flash or the sound of zombies chanting "brains . . . brains . . . brains", knowing you're not ready to take care of yourself and your family during the Apocalypse.

Well . . . worry no more. Possum's Premium Hardtack provides an affordable alternative to those expensive MRE's or freeze-dried foods. Made of all natural ingredients, and double-baked to ensure years of storage, Possum's Premium Hardtack is a tribute to the food that was eaten and enjoyed for decades by such he-man adventurers as artic explorers, civil war soldiers (on BOTH sides), sailors, and rogue British second sons searching for the lost mines of King Solomon. A modern survival food and link to our heritage.

Packed in mylar bags with oxygen absorbers to preserve freshness, a 2 lb. bag is only $12.99, plus shipping by USPS priority mail. For extra authenticity, order our "meal worms, maggots, and weevil" packet separately.

Don't forget to check out Possum's First Aid section for this months special on leeches.

Your family depends on you; you can depend on Possum's Premium Hardtack.

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Old 10-09-2013, 12:01 PM   #2
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No thanks, I will stick with the newer ones... I never could get used to the maggots and the other extras.

Ken

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Old 10-09-2013, 12:09 PM   #3
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Does Possum's Premium take barter offers?

I have access to real Amish raised compact fuel patties, that are grass fed, free range products!

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Old 10-09-2013, 01:16 PM   #4
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Has the " Dr. Possum's Discount Surgical Emporium " had its Grand Opening sale yet?

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Old 10-09-2013, 01:21 PM   #5
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This sounds like spatula city....

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Old 10-09-2013, 01:31 PM   #6
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Quote:
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Does Possum's Premium take barter offers?

I have access to real Amish raised compact fuel patties, that are grass fed, free range products!
Hmmm. No, but would consider a partnership to make a bid for a part of the profitable cow chip market. After all, firewood will go fast in an apocalypse, and a few bundles of dried cow patties stored in the garage just makes good sense.
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Old 10-09-2013, 01:41 PM   #7
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Has the " Dr. Possum's Discount Surgical Emporium " had its Grand Opening sale yet?
Hopefully, soon. Still looking for a reliable supplier for sulpha powder.
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Old 10-09-2013, 01:51 PM   #8
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Sad. Here I thought this a as about the delicious caned meat. Thanks fir gettin the FatKids hopes up. Sad.

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Old 10-09-2013, 02:41 PM   #9
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This crap is awful. I want my money back!

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Old 10-09-2013, 03:00 PM   #10
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To:
Possum's Premium Hardtack Corp.

Dear Sirs,
I am writing to regretfully inform you of my intentions to bring legal action against your company. PPH, et al.
My concerns are;

While Plumbum is certainly a natural element, I hardly think shot pellets could be considered a natural food product. I'm not sure if you are using the pellets as filler or if you were using the dough for ballistics testing. Either way, I do expect recompense for dental services.

Secondly, I find no proof of "double baking". My lovely wife achieves the same consistency with Pallsbury biscuit dough every time she bakes them. They go wonderfully with her 24 hour roast beef.

Lastly I am very disappointed that you did not include a warning on the Mylar bags. Imagine my consternation upon realizing that the afore mentioned bags were NOT a good play toy for my 3 year old Baby Bubba. He will be missed.

You may direct all correspondence to my attorneys at:

Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe
1200 Deeppockets Circle
Bendover, Tx. 0U812

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