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Old 06-18-2010, 03:52 PM   #11
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Jack frowned at his therapist. He frowned at the hospital gown that exposed his buttocks. He frowned at the thought of his artificial limbs.

"Okay, Colonel, the quicker we get you moving, the quicker we can get you back to the field. Your moustache has been augmented with nanobot technology. Millions of tiny robots reside in the follicles, and are controlled by your brain waves."

"I've got crabs in my stache? Not the first time. I gave a special ride to this girl in Belize..."

Jacks therapist, a leggy brunette, blushed and dismissed him. "By will alone, your moustache can extend and move. It's reinforced with fiber optic strands and titanium micro cable, so there's no magnetic signature, but it's virtually unbreakable.

She bent over to pick up a box, her shapely rump saddened the now altered Jack.

She sat it in front of him. "What's in the box?" she asked.

"How the hell should I know"

"Find out."

Jack stared at the box. His stache extended, and entered the box beneath the flap. "It's dark."

"Use the fiberoptic light, and the camera, and the image will feed directly into your retina."

Jack concentrated. It was a bottle of bourbon. He willed the left portion of his stache to hold it, the right to twist the cap. His stache lifted it from the box, retracted, and brought it to his eager lips, where he belted down half of it.

"Let's work on your other modification now," she smiled.

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Old 06-18-2010, 04:06 PM   #12
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You have a bionic moustache and Johnson."
WHOOT!

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Old 06-18-2010, 04:38 PM   #13
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Jack looked down at Top, his trusty dink. Looked the same.

"What you're looking at is the Subcutaneous Undermodel Penile Replicant Delivery Arsenal Victory Engager."

"So, what you're saying, is S.U.P.R.D.A.V.E. is a d!ck?"

"Yes. For lack of a better term, SuprDave is a d!ck."

"Attached to your nerve endings, the SuprDave functions exactly as your prior appendage did, but by cracking the first knuckle on you left hand, it will fire 45 ACP 185 Grain +P rounds. These are completely copper, so no lead worries."

"Your second knuckle will extend it 3 times it's original length and girth, for a total of 36", or one meter in Europe."

"Your third knuckle allows it to utilize it's hydraulic capabilities."

Jack was amped. "Fourth knuckle?" he grinned.

"Never pull the fourth knuckle. Let's do a test." She shrugged out of her uniform, jaybird nude, and got into the test Prius in the center of the room, locking the doors.

"Come and get me, before I drive away!"

Jack knitted his brow. He cracked a knuckle, blowing a hole in the tire. He ran to the Prius, knelt before it, and jacked it up with old Top. Using his stache, he retrieved a spare from the trunk, changed the tire, lowered the vehicle, and picked the lock, entering the Prius with the nude therapist. He closed the door, and cracked the fourth knuckle.

A nurse in another facility dropped meds, startled by the screams.

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Old 06-18-2010, 04:40 PM   #14
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At least I'm not a douche...

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Old 06-18-2010, 04:44 PM   #15
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At least I'm not a douche...
All in fun, bro. You're a star, now!
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Old 06-18-2010, 04:52 PM   #16
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All in fun, bro. You're a star, now!
I'm happy to be a large "member" of this. It's good to know that I'm "head" and shoulders above the rest. Glad I didn't get the "shaft" on this story!
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Old 06-18-2010, 05:33 PM   #17
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I'm happy to be a large "member" of this. It's good to know that I'm "head" and shoulders above the rest. Glad I didn't get the "shaft" on this story!
Don't go getting a big head over it.
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