Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com

Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com (http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/)
-   The Club House (http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/f12/)
-   -   The Six Million Dollar Man (http://www.firearmstalk.com/forums/f12/six-million-dollar-man-28467/)

Benning Boy 06-18-2010 02:53 PM

The Six Million Dollar Man
 
A Huey hovers over the triple canopy of Panama. A solitary figure checks his line one more time, about to Aussie rappel into the dank, moist darkness of the jungle.

He had been to "The Ma" before, and had enemies here. But none as viscious as Tika.

Tika was the mate of Manuel, a proud monkey that was eaten by Col. Jack Austin during his last visit here. She howled as Jack bit into Manuel's head, and consumed him alive, rivulets of blood spraying into Jack's manly moustache.

Tika had ascended the Black Palm, and with an all too human glint in her eyes, defecated into her hand, and lobbed it onto the chopper skid undetected. As the Colonel stepped out, he slipped, went face first into the skid, and was knocked unconscious by the only man alive who could knock him out, himself.

With nobody on belay, he took a header into the darkness, catching tree limbs and hand sized thorns the whole way down, into oblivion....

Benning Boy 06-18-2010 02:59 PM

Groggy, our hero comes to for just a moment, amidst an acrid, antiseptic smell. His vision is obscured by the haze of the drugs and the gauze that covers his face.

Masks cover the faces of surgeons hovering over him, they're playing music in the O.R.

He recognizes the tune as Andrea True's "More, more, more", a favorite disco tune of his, only for the fact that Andrea was 70's adult cinema star, who kept her bits unshorn, and Jack had tapped it long ago. He smiled as he slipped back into oblivion....

notdku 06-18-2010 03:20 PM

What's this now?

NGIB 06-18-2010 03:26 PM

Minor correction of fact. If I'm not mistaken, Jack Austin is a Sgt Major...

Benning Boy 06-18-2010 03:26 PM

Jack sat in the recovery room, completely immobile. Not due to his extensive surgery, but due to the adamantium shackles that bound him.

Oscar Dillinger poked his head in the door. Satisfied that Jack was suitably restrained, he entered.

Dillinger was a former "Office" boy, a C.I.A. spook that got dirt on the highest ranking member of the land, and convinced him to allow Dillinger to start his own special ops agency, based in Wyoming. Only three people knew of The Agency of National Geoduck Observation, or that Dillinger was the Man from T.A.N.G.O.

"Hey, Jack," he smiled, resplendent in his Hugo double breasted.

"What's with the chains, sh!tbird?"

"Jack, you sustained some pretty serious injuries. I won't mince words, we replaced some of your parts with bionic substitutes."

Jack grinned. "Sweet! What do I have? Super powerful legs? Arms that I can do PT with all day?"

"Jack, that black plam was pretty nasty. You have a bionic moustache and Johnson."

A nurse dropped a tray of meds in the hall, startled by the scream.

Dillinger 06-18-2010 03:29 PM

*spitting water on the screen*

Man from T.A.N.G.O. - LMFAO!!!

How long have you been waiting to use that one, you Most Excellent Friend you?

This is going to be epic.....

Benning Boy 06-18-2010 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NGIB (Post 302021)
Minor correction of fact. If I'm not mistaken, Jack Austin is a Sgt Major...

I thought SFC, but you have to be an officer to be an astronaut. Or rich.

Benning Boy 06-18-2010 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notdku (Post 302017)
What's this now?

I had a thread poll about recasting old T.V. shows with our guys. I said screw it, I'll just do them all, this is the first.

Benning Boy 06-18-2010 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dillinger (Post 302025)
*spitting water on the screen*

Man from T.A.N.G.O. - LMFAO!!!

How long have you been waiting to use that one, you Most Excellent Friend you?

This is going to be epic.....

Just came to me, I never think these out, I just let them go.;)

suprdave 06-18-2010 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benning Boy (Post 302022)
"Jack, that black plam was pretty nasty. You have a bionic moustache and Johnson."

Hairy vajayjays are in serious trouble, now!


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:20 AM.

Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.