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Old 09-21-2011, 02:23 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by PerpetualStudent View Post
If I may ask, how is your family taking this? Wife and son I mean.
Oh my wife is loving it, she never liked him to begin with. And yes the voicemail was most likely out of line, but I didn't get to hear it I just know how she is. My son has missed him, but not much, because the old man was a jerk to him too, and my son has pretty much forgotten about him now, hasn't mentioned him in about 5 months.
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Old 09-23-2011, 11:01 AM   #32
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Sir, I meant to reply to this last week.
It actually brought tears to my eyes because well, my grandfather had issues too. He died of a brain tumor in 2002. Like you, a lot went on. From the time my uncle stopped talking to him at 17, (in like 1978), to 2001, I saw him like 5 times. Well in 01 San Rafael PD took him into custody and called said uncle, because he had consumed a bottle of Jack from roseville to San Rafael.
My dad on the other hand did keep in touch but only under controlled circumstances. They had very different outlooks on life, although in some ways my dad is very much like my grandfather, and I like my dad.
Now back to my uncle. For the six months my gramps had left, (though we didn't know it) my uncle was visibly... different. He was happier, excited... it was like he had a second chance to make things "right".
Anyways, While obviously, right now it might seem that it's better to leave well enough alone, first you must make a decision. How will you feel in 20 years, while he's lying on his deathbed? Will you regret the decision? If not, cool, You're golden. If you do, you might have to make the first step, but if it's worth it, and maybe it is, do it. Either way, No matter what you decide, you can always change your mind.

Secondly... Your son may not give a care now, but I know there's been many times I've wished I could hear some more stories of "back in my day".
Granted, my gramps was a California State Policeman, and got to do all manner of things. He was a motorcycle officer for a while, and ended up working his way onto The Protective detail, so He and my dad got to meet the Reagans. I'm actually going to write a letter to Mrs. Reagan and see if she may remember him( I doubt it, but if she did... she'd make an AWESOME reference on a resume to the police departments... jk)

Sorry for the repeated hijacks...
Anyways. IF you do re establish contact, I would definitely advise doing so in a very public place. With many exits.:P
And thanks. It's been years since I told my parents I loved them, it's always been awkward, cause I'm a guy and all, and I finally told them again... it was nice.

Paul

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Old 09-23-2011, 11:58 AM   #33
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I see and hear of your problem every day, my heart aches for the love and the beatings my father gave me when I was growing up. I distanced my self from him when he was on his death bed, I couldn't take the change. He was the corner stone of the whole family, and I miss him more with each passing day....My fathers words were.... Give till it hurts, I'm your brother......

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Old 09-23-2011, 02:50 PM   #34
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Pagj17

I actually have thought of the things you asked, and there are a number of things that I've come up with.

Out of several things that have run through my mind, the biggest that comes to mind repeatedly, over and over, is this- As far as I'm concerned, my stepdad was the better father, always has been and always will be, unless something happens to his mind, and I will still love him if it does, because he's the one that did right by a young insecure 13 year old boy those years ago.

As far as how my son will feel... This is actually something I have real experience in. My Grandmother on my dad's side was actually my step grandmother. My biological grandmother cheated on my grandfather sometime when my dad and uncle were very young like 4-5 ish. My Grandfather wanted to work things out and move on with life, but my Grandmother was so ashamed she disappeared. They heard from and of her a few times over the years, she filed for divorce at one point which my Grandfather gave into. They were both remarried, she had a couple more kids, my Grandfather didn't.

I've never met the lady, but I would like to. Her last name is Vossburg, I'm not sure of the spelling, and I want to say she is a first generation German immigrant. I think her first name is Georganne or some such.

As far as "how will my son feel 20 years from now?" You see how I feel, and if that's something he wants to take on when he's my age or even a little younger, then there's one thing I'll do that my dad didn't do-I'll simply tell my story, and then try to help him get in contact. When I asked my dad about Georganne, he just said we will never have anything to do with her and to not ask again.

A grown man deserves the right to form his own relationships and opinions, and while I was never given the option, my son will be allowed. And that's the best I can do for him, unless there is a serious change in circumstances between now and then.

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Old 09-23-2011, 02:57 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by willshoum View Post
I see and hear of your problem every day, my heart aches for the love and the beatings my father gave me when I was growing up. I distanced my self from him when he was on his death bed, I couldn't take the change. He was the corner stone of the whole family, and I miss him more with each passing day....My fathers words were.... Give till it hurts, I'm your brother......
I'm sorry for your pain. This is more the relationship I had with my maternal Grandfather. He loved me, but wouldn't hesitate to beat the snot out of me if I needed it. I cussed at my mom when I was 12 right after her and my dad split, and Grandaddy laid me out, I never even saw it coming. But he was also the one who was holding me when I woke up.
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Old 09-23-2011, 04:13 PM   #36
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I never knew my grand father on my fathers side, only what my father told us as kids growing up. He was Mean as hell but raised a family that everyone new and allways had nothing but kind words about every one he raised..... If your father won't make amends, it's better to just move on.... Pm me if you feel you need to just let it all out, I see that you have allready made a move in the right direction by asking here on ftf.... Wills........PS don't keep it Bottled up........

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Old 09-23-2011, 06:05 PM   #37
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Really I'm doing pretty good with the situation. I pretty much have moved on, just wanted to get a second opinion so to speak.

Yeah I'm sorry it has to be like this, but he's the one who raised a hand to my wife. Regardless of what may have been said, and if he thought she deserved it or not, to raise your hand to a woman who is sitting at the table with her husband and son is completely unacceptable in my eyes (for a man to hit a woman in any case for that matter). And to many other people too apparently. People who know him claim that he never would have hit her, and only would have intimidated her, and therefore (this was actually one of the reasons I was given) I should go and make up with him.

I say Hell no. Like the saying goes "actions speak louder than words"
Actions also speak louder than unspoken words.

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Old 09-24-2011, 07:08 AM   #38
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Wow! We're sounding like a bunch of women here. I mean that in the good way.

I am 46 years old and I have 2 teenage boys. My dad is 39 years older than me and my mom is 35 years older. I think that is relevant.

Today I have a great relationship with my dad, but when I was a teenager it was anything but a good relationship. We came to blows and all of that. The funny thing is that I am closer to my dad than either my brother or my sister are or probably ever have been. Same does for my mom. Mom and dad divorced when I was a teen (same age as my boys are). Dad remarried a wonderful woman whom he had met and dated before he met my mother. They are the proverbial "soul mates" (and I do mean that).

I have always been the "black sheep" but when the poop hits the fan I have been there to clean it up. If I want to.

Don't brace your doors against him, just brace yourself for what might happen when you open the door.

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