I used to love Shark Week, but have they filmed any new episodes for this year? I can't tell you how many times I have had the DVR set only to wind up with Air Jaws, the guy who swims with great whites and the reoccurring stories of people that got bit and lived.
Let's see some new sharks man! Let's see Douchebags vs. Sharks!
Now follow me here. We round up all the reality TV retards and we take them out on a "party boat" of the Southern Coast of Africa. They are drinking and laughing and dancing like monkeys at their first fire*. In the meantime we are baiting and chumming the water do draw in the big ones.
Then the viewing audience can text in numbers to a preset series of "accidents" that will randomly go off. Want to see someone get vaulted off the top deck? Text "1" to this special number and wait as one of the seat cushions on one of the couches becomes an ejection seat!
Want to see someone get slapped silly and go over a railing? Text "2" to this number and watch as the votes build up the pressure in a giant, spring loaded, rubberized hand that will bitch slap someone into the middle of next week.
We get cameras rolling on deck, special slo-mo accident cams and then we have teams of underwater cameras to watch as the contestants meet a violent and satisfyingly bloody end in the maws of death.
Who's with me?!?!