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Old 09-13-2013, 01:24 AM   #531
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Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Did you finish with "Here's your sign"?????
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Old 12-20-2013, 03:05 PM   #532
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I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.

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Old 12-20-2013, 11:03 PM   #533
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I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.
i am starting to get to that point too!
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Old 12-22-2013, 08:36 PM   #534
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Just remember, only we lucky ones get old!

Merry Christmas to all of the other old farts here @ FTF! May you enjoy many more Christmas and holiday seasons!

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Old 12-24-2013, 07:41 AM   #535
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Well , I woke up to day....

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Old 12-24-2013, 03:04 PM   #536
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Well , I woke up to day....
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Some days I'm not so sure...
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Old 12-24-2013, 07:08 PM   #537
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Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Some days I'm not so sure...
some days, it's just not worth it to chew through the straps of your strait jacket!
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Old 12-24-2013, 07:17 PM   #538
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I wake up every morning, sit on the side of the bed, check my surroundings, pinch myself, before I get too excited.

Make sure Im really still here.

I just know , Im gonna wake up one day and not know where Im at.


Jim

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Old 12-25-2013, 09:33 PM   #539
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Being divorced and free at 61 is a bit perplexing ..! I have lost my short term memory , my wife..! Eeeeek..!
And here I thought you were really old, Dango!
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Old 12-26-2013, 11:27 AM   #540
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Dango....? oh yeah , that,s me me ....! d-d-dah!

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