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Old 06-27-2013, 01:53 PM   #521
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I have a great memory...!

An evil streak..!

And infinite patients...!


Well ... Memory may be questionable..?
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Old 06-27-2013, 02:04 PM   #522
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at my age I can't Win.......

Seniors Thread - The Club House

Seniors Thread - The Club House
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Old 06-27-2013, 07:31 PM   #523
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Originally Posted by kandypenny44 View Post
My Ex-wife and I were watching the chickens in yard. The rooster goes from hen to hen taking care of each one in turn. Ex-wife says Kandy "why can't you do like that rooster?" I answered: "probably could if I had a different chick each time."
And that's when the fight started...
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Old 06-28-2013, 06:44 PM   #524
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I don't know? Guys who have a sexual appetite for molesting small farm animals ?
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Old 08-04-2013, 03:18 PM   #525
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Seniors Still Need Newspapers

I was visiting my niece last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century," she said. 'I don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, use my iPad."

I can tell you this.

That fly never knew what hit him.

Non-seniors, be careful who you loan your iPad to.
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Old 08-04-2013, 07:07 PM   #526
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An elderly lady was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names.'

The elderly lady hung her head, 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old azzhat what his name is.'
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Old 09-12-2013, 02:03 AM   #527
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Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
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Old 09-12-2013, 02:25 AM   #528
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Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat View Post
Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
ROFLMAO FUNNY!!!!!!

that one truly deserves two likes!
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Old 09-12-2013, 03:49 AM   #529
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Doaust Nat, That is a very humerus post. There was a similar joke years ago that ended with the death of the fellow. The dieter was eating canned dog food. He was licking himself in the street when hit by a car.
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Old 09-12-2013, 04:56 AM   #530
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Originally Posted by Daoust_Nat View Post
Yesterday I was at the Villages' (an area north of Orlando full of retirees) Publix (our large food chain in Florida) buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Publix won't let me shop there anymore.
Dammit! When is Notdku going to implement multi-Liking!!!
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