Sarge the Terrorist
This terrorist thing is going too far in our country. If you ever have flown (not actually flown but stood in line for hours and waited for the possible terrorists to be searched and all their chewing gum, perfume, and nail clippers to be confiscated then you know what he means.
Sarge is at this time up in Alaska, working for the oil industry, a natural target for a terrorist. The building he works in belongs to Conoco-Phillips so naturally it is well guarded. What better place to launch a terrorist attack than from a 17 story building. But he understands that if a real terrorist really wanted to mess up America the way to do it would be by designing poor oil handling equipment. (I got news for them, our suppliers have already beat them to it)
But now about Sarge the Terrorist. Sarge has been up at Anchorage for two months and has had little time to find a Barber Shop and was getting a little shaggy around the top. Finally when his hard hat would not fit anymore, Sarge looked up a local "for men only" barber shop and got his hair back to it's original basic training butch. So what is wrong with that? You will see.
The next day Sarge shows up at the Conoco-Phillips building and the armed guard at the door looks at his pass/badge. .
"NO" YOU CANNOT ENTER!" The guard states. "You do not look like the picture on your badge.!"
You might think that was it for poor Sarge, he was sunk.......not so. Sarge is after all a soldier. And Soldiers win battles. (Politicians lose wars) so Sarge was well prepared for this possibility. He shows the guard a sack of hair that he carefully retrieved after his hair cut. And explained that he had just gotten a haircut and if the guard would just picture him with all this hair on, then it would be apparent that he was indeed Sarge, the guy in the picture. Evidently the guard lacked an imagination and he still refused Sarge entrance. Next was Plan B and Sarge reached into his rucksack and brought out a note from his mother which stated (paraphrasing because Mom always went a little over board describing her only boy.) "Yes this is my handsome, smart, charming son" The guard was not moved by his Mom's statement. So back to the rucksack and out came a letter from Sarge's sister. (known in the Army as Handgrenade Hanna) and it being rather short he read it. "Yeah this is my big dumb brother all right. Be careful or he might trip and fall on you." That did not move the 'serious about his job' guard either. So one more chance to get in the building and Sarge searched in his rucksack for (you know who) a letter from his wife Lt. Linda. Even a stupid guard could read the honesty in Lt. Linda's writing. Unfortunately by then Sarge was a little shook and grabbed the first envelope that said "wife" on it. Handing it over to the stubborn unmoving obstacle in front of him he crossed his arms with a satisfied smirk on his face and waited for the guard's apology. The look in the guards eyes was a pleasure to see, but rather strange too. He dropped the letter and started blowing his whistle, pushing alarms buttons and generally raising hell.
"What the heck?" thought Sarge, "Did my wife write?" Picking up the letter his heart leaped up into his throat. He had accidently picked up a letter from his EX WIFE. And it said "Don't believe this lying SOB he is a spy.
As the questioning and torture started Sarge desperately went to Plan C. He confessed that he was a ACAD 3D designer of Oil and Gas Refineries and gave his supervisors name as his contact.
After all the uproar quieted down and the CEO of the company vouched for both Sarge and his supervisor, they were let into the building. Figuring the job was up Sarge went to his office and began to pack. Halfway through, the boss showed up with a stack of blue prints and growled, "Where do you think you are going. I got too much work here to let you go, this ought to keep you out of trouble for about the next 7 months!"
The end because Sarge the 'maybe' terrorist is too busy to cause any problems.