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Old 06-26-2009, 07:33 PM   #2021
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Originally Posted by canebrake View Post
Are you kidding me???

My favorite comedian!

I saw him live in Ft. Lauderdale.

He was truly funny.
That's too funny. He was definitely one of my favorites as well. I loved the crazy crap he would come up with....
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I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?
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I called the hotel operator and she said, "How can I direct your call?" I said, "Well, you could say 'Action!', and I'll begin to dial. And when I say 'Goodbye', then you can yell 'Cut!'"
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Old 06-27-2009, 05:27 AM   #2022
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You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

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Old 06-28-2009, 12:28 AM   #2023
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And yeah, I'll go there - Isn't it about time for another Kennedy to have an "accident" ???
See my signature....

There's a candidate for Hell.
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Old 06-28-2009, 02:30 AM   #2024
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Default Man Rules

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports, hunting, boobs or beer.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
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Old 06-28-2009, 03:25 AM   #2025
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Rofl!!!!!! :d :d :d

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Old 06-28-2009, 01:05 PM   #2026
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Love the last one!

Good post cane.

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Old 06-28-2009, 01:59 PM   #2027
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OH my eyes are so puffy I look like BJ Penn after a Loss to GSP (From all the crying). Not sure what happened to me but the last few days it looks like. I want the resident Evil movies on Blu-ray. I wonder if the porn industry is going to start making XXX movies in HD. That will be sweet. well maybe not. Most of the women look like a moped in a GP race.

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Old 06-28-2009, 07:12 PM   #2028
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happiness is a belt fed weapon!

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Old 06-29-2009, 03:25 AM   #2029
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Well... I just got into a car accident. My buddy was driving. I jacked up my right arm, my left shoulder, my neck, and my head. I hit the windshield hard enough with my head and arm to spider web it. I will get checked out by the docs tomorrow, but I am fine for the most part. Morale of the story... always wear your seatbelt, even if you are just crossing the street.

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Old 06-29-2009, 03:35 AM   #2030
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Originally Posted by McNabb11b View Post
Well... I just got into a car accident. My buddy was driving. I jacked up my right arm, my left shoulder, my neck, and my head. I hit the windshield hard enough with my head and arm to spider web it. I will get checked out by the docs tomorrow, but I am fine for the most part. Morale of the story... always wear your seatbelt, even if you are just crossing the street.
That sucks. I hope all is well. Is there not a seatbelt law where you are? If so, did you get cited?
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