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Old 04-17-2011, 09:00 AM   #11
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Thumbs Up! Those are great!

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Old 04-17-2011, 09:06 AM   #12
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I used to be bi-polar, but we're alright now..

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Old 04-19-2011, 03:53 PM   #13
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19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



If vegetarians eat vegtables what do humanitarians eat?

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Old 04-19-2011, 03:56 PM   #14
RIP my good and faithful dog.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oneshot View Post
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



If vegetarians eat vegtables what do humanitarians eat?


If corn oil is made of corn, and olive oil is made from olives......what is baby oil made of?
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Old 04-19-2011, 04:05 PM   #15
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Somehow, I feel I've been punished!!

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Old 04-19-2011, 05:27 PM   #16
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From the same group...

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Old 02-10-2012, 03:48 PM   #17
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When the first telephone rang it was Alexander Graham's bell.

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