Puns for educated minds.
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Old 04-16-2011, 07:53 PM   #1
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Default Puns for educated minds.

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much Pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math distruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown inot a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Atheism in a non-prophet organization.

11. Time flies like an arrow; friut flies like a banana.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here. I will go on a head."

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."

15. The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived the mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry sir. Only one carrion allowed per passenger."

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam."

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novacain during a root canal? His goal: Transcend dental medication.

26. There was once a person who told ten puns to friends with the hope of at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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Old 04-16-2011, 08:06 PM   #2
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Haha that's good

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Old 04-16-2011, 08:26 PM   #3
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Thanks Skully!

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Old 04-16-2011, 08:49 PM   #4
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LOL, thanks for the laugh

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Old 04-16-2011, 10:29 PM   #5
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Very good sir.

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Old 04-17-2011, 01:29 AM   #6
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I don't get them.

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Old 04-17-2011, 01:29 AM   #7
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OMG! ROTFLMAO! I love puns. I haven't had a good laugh like that in a while. Skullcrusher you are most intelligent indeed. Thanks for the humor.

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Old 04-17-2011, 03:34 AM   #8
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Well, being in Denver, I am sure you heard about the researcher at Univ of Co, who experimented with cloning. Matter of fact, cloned himself. Regrettably, his clone had the unfortunate habit of habitually using severe profanity whenever he spoke.

Finally, in despair, the researcher invited his clone out for a picnic in the Rockies, where he pushed him off a cliff.






Thus making the first obscene clone fall.

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Old 04-17-2011, 04:44 AM   #9
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Good stuff.

I'll have a Ham on Wry.

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Old 04-17-2011, 05:13 AM   #10
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Thanks. Those were great!!

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