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Old 03-09-2013, 10:23 PM   #91
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It did get kind of weird. This will make it better. My wife was talking to an elderly Russian woman next door to us. The woman asked my wife if she beats me. The woman said that Russian wives hit their husbands to keep them in line.
Say what?????
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Old 03-09-2013, 11:32 PM   #92
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I'm going to share a little bit, and I hope Cinder doesn't mind...

Every relationship I've ever had, which has been more than just the one marriage, has ended the exact same way for the exact same reason.

So to talk about jealousy...

I'm a very jealous man. Maybe suspicious would be a better word, but jealous fits well too. Cinder can tell you. I'm asking all the time, "who's this, who's that? How do you know each other?" Kinda messed up, ain't it? Does she deserve that? Hell no. And I apologize often for it. I really do hope she forgives me, and I really am working on it, but...

"Don't blame me for my trust issues."
Says the man with all those knives buried deep in his back.

The vast majority of her friends are guys. She's 1600 miles away. I've been Pavloved into feeling that no woman can ever be trusted. I have a hard job ahead of me, not comparing her to everyone else, and not holding her accountable for the past sins of people she's never going to meet.

Ever wonder what prejudice or racism feels like? Ask her. Sure knows very well what it's like to be considered a suspect because of what other people have done.

How she puts up with it, I'll never know. I think I would've given me the boot by now.

I try not to be overbearing. I don't tell her who she can and can't hang out with. I DO ask that she let me know, and for the very simple reason of my own failing: if I find out she's hanging out with other men, and she didn't tell me, then considering that we talk almost every night, I will automatically assume she's trying to hide it. When someone hides something, what are they hiding? How MUCH are they hiding?

Well, for her to hide anything like another relationship, it would take entirely too much effort because of how much we communicate. Text, nightly phone calls, Facebook, here on this forum. No need to juggle a long distance relationship and a local relationship when so much effort would be required. She's too smart for that. I'm pretty sure she would just give me the ol' heave ho if there were someone else.

But several of those knives in my back? They come from the fact that any woman I've been with could have, at any time, simply cut me loose instead of lying to me, sleeping around on me, and putting forth so much effort to make me look like a fool. Why do that?

So, you see, classical conditioning, especially when it comes to jealousy and suspicion, is a vicious cycle that feeds on itself, exponentially, especially when the resulting products (jealousy, suspicion, lack of trust) are intangible emotions and so strongly reinforced so consistently.

I'm working on it. Moments like last night, receiving a text at 2AM just because she was thinking about something I've said, really helps to assuage my fears and fallacies.

I love her. I told her before we even started talking outside of the forum, when I fall, I fall with everything I have, hook, line, and sinker, so please, be careful.

I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. This is extremely unfair to her. But it's the only thing I know, and she's accepting me as I am, and I'm trying desperately to pull these knives out of my back so I can be a better man for her. She's given without reserve. Has come here to meet me and my son. Has not asked for anything at all in return, and so I want to give her everything I can, which especially means the trust and respect she so deserves.

Am I the reason I've always been cheated on? Maybe. Considering the only common denominator is me, then it's very likely.

I guess I just wanted to point out that jealousy isn't always (probably rarely) is a chosen affliction. I didn't used to be like this. Once upon a time, I just drank beer and worked on my truck with friends. Then when we got drunk, "hey y'all! Watch this!".I didn't have to worry about jealousy, except in the most immature fashion. I was jealous that my buddy had a cool car. Well... He let me drive it pretty often. I never would've thought of asking him to let me drive his girl though (not much to be jealous of there. She was like the penguin as played by Danny DeVito, waddle, fingers straight and together, and just gawdawful ugly, with a nose just like his in the movie, with a terrible personality to boot)

Ramble... ramble... ramble...

Sorry about that. Pouring my heart out again, and in an incoherent, hard to follow way.

By the way, why is all this in this thread again?

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Old 03-09-2013, 11:35 PM   #93
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I'm so lost and I don't like where this I'd going...
I don't understand what you are lost about?

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It did get kind of weird. This will make it better. My wife was talking to an elderly Russian woman next door to us. The woman asked my wife if she beats me. The woman said that Russian wives hit their husbands to keep them in line.
Haha.....My Dad is 100% Russian. My cousin married a woman he met in Russia (he is an airline pilot). My cousin's wife is tough and I could see her whuppin' her husband.......but she doesn't.

I think Russian women, the ones who are still living in Russian, might beat their husband's because the alcoholism rate amongst Russian men is quite high. I'm not saying it's okay to beat a spouse and I would never do that but many of the Russians are piss poor broke and their husbands spend their money on Vodka and are drunk all day. I think it is difficult to get a divorce in Russia and it's even harder to get a new apartment. There is a very long waiting list for apartments. So, they are kind of stuck with each other.

My cousin's wife said her Mom and Dad couldn't stand each other but they couldn't separate because neither could get a new apartment. She said they were always arguing and her Dad would wave his cane at his wife whenever she walked by his chair, etc. She said it was awful for all involved. And yes, her Dad was an alcoholic.
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:10 AM   #94
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I don't understand what you are lost about?



Haha.....My Dad is 100% Russian. My cousin married a woman he met in Russia (he is an airline pilot). My cousin's wife is tough and I could see her whuppin' her husband.......but she doesn't.

I think Russian women, the ones who are still living in Russian, might beat their husband's because the alcoholism rate amongst Russian men is quite high. I'm not saying it's okay to beat a spouse and I would never do that but many of the Russians are piss poor broke and their husbands spend their money on Vodka and are drunk all day. I think it is difficult to get a divorce in Russia and it's even harder to get a new apartment. There is a very long waiting list for apartments. So, they are kind of stuck with each other.

My cousin's wife said her Mom and Dad couldn't stand each other but they couldn't separate because neither could get a new apartment. She said they were always arguing and her Dad would wave his cane at his wife whenever she walked by his chair, etc. She said it was awful for all involved. And yes, her Dad was an alcoholic.
Where the hell this thread wandered off to...
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:22 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by trip286 View Post
I'm going to share a little bit, and I hope Cinder doesn't mind...

Every relationship I've ever had, which has been more than just the one marriage, has ended the exact same way for the exact same reason.

So to talk about jealousy...

I'm a very jealous man. Maybe suspicious would be a better word, but jealous fits well too. Cinder can tell you. I'm asking all the time, "who's this, who's that? How do you know each other?" Kinda messed up, ain't it? Does she deserve that? Hell no. And I apologize often for it. I really do hope she forgives me, and I really am working on it, but...

"Don't blame me for my trust issues."
Says the man with all those knives buried deep in his back.

The vast majority of her friends are guys. She's 1600 miles away. I've been Pavloved into feeling that no woman can ever be trusted. I have a hard job ahead of me, not comparing her to everyone else, and not holding her accountable for the past sins of people she's never going to meet.

Ever wonder what prejudice or racism feels like? Ask her. Sure knows very well what it's like to be considered a suspect because of what other people have done.

How she puts up with it, I'll never know. I think I would've given me the boot by now.

I try not to be overbearing. I don't tell her who she can and can't hang out with. I DO ask that she let me know, and for the very simple reason of my own failing: if I find out she's hanging out with other men, and she didn't tell me, then considering that we talk almost every night, I will automatically assume she's trying to hide it. When someone hides something, what are they hiding? How MUCH are they hiding?

Well, for her to hide anything like another relationship, it would take entirely too much effort because of how much we communicate. Text, nightly phone calls, Facebook, here on this forum. No need to juggle a long distance relationship and a local relationship when so much effort would be required. She's too smart for that. I'm pretty sure she would just give me the ol' heave ho if there were someone else.

But several of those knives in my back? They come from the fact that any woman I've been with could have, at any time, simply cut me loose instead of lying to me, sleeping around on me, and putting forth so much effort to make me look like a fool. Why do that?

So, you see, classical conditioning, especially when it comes to jealousy and suspicion, is a vicious cycle that feeds on itself, exponentially, especially when the resulting products (jealousy, suspicion, lack of trust) are intangible emotions and so strongly reinforced so consistently.

I'm working on it. Moments like last night, receiving a text at 2AM just because she was thinking about something I've said, really helps to assuage my fears and fallacies.

I love her. I told her before we even started talking outside of the forum, when I fall, I fall with everything I have, hook, line, and sinker, so please, be careful.

I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. This is extremely unfair to her. But it's the only thing I know, and she's accepting me as I am, and I'm trying desperately to pull these knives out of my back so I can be a better man for her. She's given without reserve. Has come here to meet me and my son. Has not asked for anything at all in return, and so I want to give her everything I can, which especially means the trust and respect she so deserves.

Am I the reason I've always been cheated on? Maybe. Considering the only common denominator is me, then it's very likely.

I guess I just wanted to point out that jealousy isn't always (probably rarely) is a chosen affliction. I didn't used to be like this. Once upon a time, I just drank beer and worked on my truck with friends. Then when we got drunk, "hey y'all! Watch this!".I didn't have to worry about jealousy, except in the most immature fashion. I was jealous that my buddy had a cool car. Well... He let me drive it pretty often. I never would've thought of asking him to let me drive his girl though (not much to be jealous of there. She was like the penguin as played by Danny DeVito, waddle, fingers straight and together, and just gawdawful ugly, with a nose just like his in the movie, with a terrible personality to boot)

Ramble... ramble... ramble...

Sorry about that. Pouring my heart out again, and in an incoherent, hard to follow way.

By the way, why is all this in this thread again?
I'd swear you just explained me, other than I'm still married (1st time! I completely understand you, felt that way a bunch of times, and sometimes still do!!
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:41 AM   #96
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I'd swear you just explained me, other than I'm still married (1st time! I completely understand you, felt that way a bunch of times, and sometimes still do!!
I don't think Fathead has a jealous bone in his body.......
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:45 AM   #97
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I'd swear you just explained me, other than I'm still married (1st time! I completely understand you, felt that way a bunch of times, and sometimes still do!!
Coming from hard earned experience, don't ever let it take hold of you. It's harder to shake than smoking or probably any other drug.
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:48 AM   #98
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It did get kind of weird. This will make it better. My wife was talking to an elderly Russian woman next door to us. The woman asked my wife if she beats me. The woman said that Russian wives hit their husbands to keep them in line.
Man, where can I find one of these Russian women!
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:50 AM   #99
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Man, where can I find one of these Russian women!
Heck man, buy one online. They do that kinda thing.
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Old 03-10-2013, 01:53 AM   #100
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Heck man, buy one online. They do that kinda thing.
You know what's even better about this? While she's "keeping" you in line she's speaking in Russian. What a turn on!
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