Politics Explained
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Old 10-05-2009, 07:11 PM   #1
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Default Politics Explained

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide
cows for everyone.



REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?



SOCIALIST

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



COMMUNIST

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.



CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows...



BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you
to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk
down the drain.



AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.



FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.



JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.



GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
per year.



ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch..
Life is good.



RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka..
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many
cows you really have.



TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government
to find alternatives to milk production but use the
money to buy weapons.



IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.




POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.



BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times
he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's
milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.



FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown
one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the bestlooking cow.



CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

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Old 10-05-2009, 07:15 PM   #2
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...and there it is.

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“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”Samuel Adams
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Old 10-05-2009, 07:23 PM   #3
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Funny one Dunner I will never look at a cow the same way again. They are way to important.

Jack

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