[opaww]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in the waistband of his pants.
Bartender says to Pirate, "Hey. Did you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?"
Pirate says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

[spittinfire]

That was so bad I actually laughed.

[bigbad-ratman]

There is a new pirate movie coming out soon. Don't know much about it other than it is VERY violent and graphic. Hence, it is gonna have an "Arrr," rating.

[Highpower]

..... Ergonomic Keyboard For Pirates

[Gatekeeper]

From-- Pirate Jokes :: Pirate humor

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

[Gatekeeper]

A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances

The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Yee've really done it this time!! Now we're gonna have to pee in the boat!"

[bigbad-ratman]

Originally Posted by Gatekeeper

From-- Pirate Jokes :: Pirate humor

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

After hearing this historical "fact," the entire French military switched to brown trousers.

[gorknoids]

I walked into a bar in Barbados one day, and next to the only open bar stool sat a man with an eye-patch, a hook for a hand, and a peg-leg.
I sat down, gave him my best sea-going glare, and muttered "Aarrrgghh", to which he replied "Aarrggghhh".
We started talking about the latest batch of contestants on "American Idol", and in the middle of his critique of the bisexual Peruvian violin player, I asked "How'd you get the peg?" Tactfully, of course.
He replied "Aaaargghh....We was roundin' the Cape, and took a rogue wave broadside that threw me out of the riggin'. A painter line wrapped around me leg, and by the time me mates hauled me over the gunwales, it had chewed through to the bone. Went gangrenous before we could reach Capetown, so it had to be took off".
I said "OMFG!"
Then I asked "How did you get the hook?" He drew a bead on my left eye with his beady right eye and inquired "Lad, have you ever seen a Great White shark?" I said "Everybody has. "Jaws" was a big seller."
Turns out that he was adrift at sea one day in a dorie, exhausted by the brutal sun and lack of fresh water, when he let his arm dangle over the side. "Bit it off cleaner than Rosie O'Donnell's pregnancy test!"
I shuddered as I considered what my 4th Singapore Sling was going to do to my checking account.
"What's with the eye patch? Some skank throw that to you at a pole-dancing contest?" He said "Nah. I was walking around drunk on Paradise Island looking for the Playboy Club last year when I was in the Bahamas. I looked straight up to figure out where I was and what time it was when a parrot shat in me eye."
I gave him my Incredulous face, and said "Bird crap put your eye out?"

He said "No. First day with me new hook."