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Old 01-26-2010, 02:51 PM   #101
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On the way Ineff. You're good people for doing this.

Abused women are co-dependent and have trouble with boundaries. They also have poor self esteem and very negative self talk. Encourage her to participate in various activities and praise her efforts. Don't overdo the praise, but be genuine. She needs to start thinking of herself as capable, not defective.

It will take some time to un-condition her. The kids will be suffering as well and being positive, gentle and affirmative will help.

I deal with abused women often in my work as a counselor, if I can help, let me know.

Don

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Old 01-26-2010, 02:52 PM   #102
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Ineff, I admire your dedication, courage and strength brother. You will have a tough and difficult journey ahead, but it sounds like you are up for the challenge. Abusive relationships to often involve the innocent victims that are often put in harms way, from the fallout that surrounds them (children).

You are correct, you will have to change her instilled and abusive mind set and show her through example how to build her self-confidence and that she does matter, showing her it is ok to be strong and independent and see men as her equal and protecting partners, and not as overbearing, abusive, psychological and physical superior threats. Please watch your back brother and be prepared for the husband to interfere, and possibly become physical, unless he is already locked away somewhere. As in most abusive relationships when the wife tries to leave, the husband will not tolerate this insubmissiveness and may not give up as easily, and use his dominance, fear and control tactics and threats to try to whoo her back. Using short-lived, promised BS, and her fear and lack of self-esteem, along with her abused, already damaged mindset, she may fall for this BS and allow this to happen. Be prepared brother, and remember the saying, "leopards can't change their spots."

My thoughts and prayers, and good wishes from my family, to you sir, and all your entire family, for your compassion, concern and strength in this matter.

Jack

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Old 01-26-2010, 02:54 PM   #103
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inef you are one hell of a man for doing and taking on all these problems. IF we ever get to meet the beer and streak (99 oz T-bone) is on me man. Good lord.

On another note you need to make a video and let your house get a little tore up then send the video into Extreme Makeover: Home edition that way they will come and build you a great big old house and pay it all off for you.


I would get her and the kids into some kind of therpy weather it is threw your church or LCSW get mom into a battered wives group so she can see first hand that what the DOUCHE BAG was doing was WRONG.

Good luck and god speed my friend.......

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Old 01-26-2010, 04:02 PM   #104
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Good for you man. Stay positive, get rest when you can and be strong. Good things come from positive situations. We will be here for you and for Ineff's House of Good Deeds.

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Old 01-26-2010, 04:16 PM   #105
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Thanks guys, for the prayers and the kind words. The hard work ahead is diminished by the joy we will get by helping a friend in need. For those who mentioned the abusive spouse, I have two words: Castle Law. I will execute that POS on sight and post the video of his demise here in the Bunker. There will be no casualties on MY watch. Just one piece of mutilated predatorial meat.

Our house is a total fixer upper from 1958. Your idea is effing GENIUS, Tango!

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Old 01-26-2010, 04:22 PM   #106
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Damn Ineff! You have my respect and definitely a lot of prayers and wishes coming your way. This will not be easy, and I know it will be exceptually trying when you need some space of your own in your own house. I wish you the best of luck.

If you need anything, like a place to run and hide for a weekend away, please let me know.

JD

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Old 01-26-2010, 04:52 PM   #107
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I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but please keep open an honest line of communication with Mrs. Ineff. The absolute worst thing that can happen is for spill-over drama to drive a wedge between you two.

And when things get tough (and they are going to get tough) always remember that God won't put anything in front of you that you can't handle.



RESPECT......

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Old 01-26-2010, 05:08 PM   #108
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My God Ineff!! What a first best example of what a MAN is about!! Thoughts a prayers for all involved here, you and the Mrs., especially!!

Maybe FTF should, well; adopt this family!! What say you, brothers!

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Old 01-26-2010, 08:34 PM   #109
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God bless you for stepping up ineff! My prayers are with her for her and her children for healing.

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Old 01-26-2010, 09:49 PM   #110
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May the lord be with you both in your hour of need

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