New 'Do Not Kill' Registry.......
 

New 'Do Not Kill' Registry To Allow Americans To Opt Out Of Being Murdered

SEPTEMBER 27, 2010

WASHINGTON—A bipartisan coalition of U.S. Congress members announced Tuesday the creation of the nationwide "Do Not Kill" Registry, which gives citizens the convenience of choosing whether or not they would like to be violently murdered.

"Obviously, we understand there are many Americans who would rather not be disturbed at dinnertime by an ax-wielding maniac, and that's why we are providing this service," said Sen. Mike Enzi (R-WY), who explained the law would also regulate the practice of random robokilling. "All citizens will have to do is supply us with their names and telephone numbers and we will make sure to block any further bothersome visits from killers smashing down their doors and ruthlessly murdering them in front of their screaming families."

While the new program is proving to be popular, critics have pointed out that more than 2,000 of the people who have signed up for the registry have been stabbed to death in their driveways simply because they didn't realize it takes 30 days to go into effect.

theonion.com

*Please be sure to also view the poll: 1 in 5 Americans Believe Obama is a Cactus. http://www.professionalsoldiers.com/...es/biggrin.gif

Apparently it's more effective than no gun zones since most have been stabbed to death rather than shot.

Seems very reasonable to me. Too bad about that "30 day" clause, though.

Every time. Every &*#^%&^#%& da&^*$ time I sit down to dinner I get some chain saw wielding maniac wanting to kill me! One come at 10:30 on a Saturday!! How rude!!

Thank you don't kill reg! :D

I have a problem with the waiting period. All they have to do is avoid me for 30 days and they are off the hook? My right to engage in violence has been infringed.:mad:

Just when your plan to kick in doors and take off heads goes into play the government has to go an eff it all up. I do believe I will make sure to get my annual quota in the next 30 days.

It's really a worthless program. It doesn't apply to political activities. So all the axe wielding maniacs have to do is put on a hope and change t shirt to get around the law. Once again the foolishness of big government demonstrated.

That is funny!! :D It is a joke, right?? :p

I hope not. :eek: I registered 29 days ago. Just 4 more hours and I'll no longer have to live in fear. Carefree for the rest of my days.

Oh.........Someones at the door
Hold on I'll be right back.

In this day and age I open the door with a double barreled shotgun with saw attachment. Just in case I make the list and not the other way around. By the way nice place Gate has.