Alright listen up - As many of you know these fighters I employ are bunch of over-training meatheads with a zeal to push themselves to the limit and then blow out some needed body part shortly before one of my fight cards.
This has happened once again.
First Hendo went down and Chael stepped in but that bitch Jon Jones refused to fight him, costing me dearly as I had to cancel UFC 151. A move that has never been done before in UFC history. Expect Jon Jones to have a new, interesting fight schedule in the future.
Now here I am with Quinton getting hurt and can't fight in the main event, then Jose Aldo gets hurt and can't defend his belt, but I have a sell out in Brazil and I need to satisfy these crazy fans or they will take to the internet and bitch about my organization incessantly.
I'm throwing Anderson Silva into the ring again'st Stephan Bonnar. Why? No one else wanted to fight Anderson after Chael and Bonnar hasn't shut up about wanting a big fight, so here you go.
That leaves me with no co-main event.
I'm not just an owner and promoter, I am a fan of the sport and when people talk about fights that interest them, I weigh the odds of making something happen.
Here we have this guy, I don't know what to call him really, but he's "eclectic" to say the least. He runs around pretending to be all sorts of different characters, a former Ft. Benning soldier, a russian spy, an alien, a bard, The Most Interesting Moron on the Interwebz, a stick driving window licker, I mean he has really spawned the gambit.
But one constant has been his attraction to the Bigfoot/Sasquatch. Many of the members here, I know you old timers know what I am talking about, right? I know you know he has this urge to get in the octagon and test his metal against the half man, half wooly mammoth that is Sasquatch.
Well guess, what? That's right, I have Sasquatch under contract f**kers! You said it couldn't be done. You said he would never sign, but he's all mine and those other organizations can bite me!
So on behalf of Sasquatch's new camp "Team Leave Me Alone" I am here to officially offer a 6 figure contract to TWMIM!
You fans has asked for this fight, you have wondered what would happen if, so here is your chance! Vote now and we at The UFC will be happy to make this fight happen and provide you a free online text-cast of the battle.
As a second offering, because no one is ever happy in this fight game, we have another interesting match up that could be fight of the year.
On one hand we have the quick witted, always timely, mild mannered tax preparer named Orangello! We don't know what it is, but we can tell from following this guy's UFCTwitter page, that has been blowing up since the announcement of this challenge, that the fans know of, and want to see him, confront his greatest menace!
That's right - We have Rosie, Yosemite's most famous black bear, with an offer on the table to take to the cage against Orangello and settle this fued once and for all!
I'm telling you guys, styles make fights and this fight could be a doozy between the laid back, relaxed and green lifestyle of 'Gello, and the motherly, aggressive when pushed, style of Rosie.
So who's it gonna be in our Co-Main Event? Vote now and post up your predictions!
DW - Out!